England’s Football Team: Three Sleeping Lions on a Shirt


The English National football team played last night in a 0-0 draw away in Slovenia on the 11th of October 2016. It was Gareth Southgate’s second game in charge after the immediate sacking of Sam Allardyce after only one match, beating Slovakia 0-1, since taking over after the Euro 2016 tournament, where England were humiliated by Iceland and knocked out at the first hurdle of knock-out rounds.  Let’s state right off the bat, that England look like a team devoid of confidence and we can hardly applaud a 2-0 victory over Malta last week. This anti-purple patch of form and lackluster football has gone on for far too long for the England team in recent years. People are starting to ask questions and wonder why a country with such a prestigious football league such as the Premier League can produce such an embarrassingly crap soccer team?

For years the media have built them up, even previously calling an England team the golden generation only to falter at the first knock out stage in the World Cup in Brazil in 2014, (buy here) with completely torrid performances in all matches. This once again happened at the Euros in 2016 and in between all these tournaments where England are embarrassed they play the minnow nations of European football in qualifying for the World Cup and the Euros in a painstaking cycle of four years of predominately really boring and unprogressive football. Why you might ask? So are we, we are asking why? Is it the tabloid media putting too much pressure on the team in tournaments? Is it down to clueless and useless managers like Roy Hodgson and Steve McClaren who have all failed England? Or is it simply down to the fact that all English players are basically soulless shells of overpaid robots, a bunch of soft metrosexual men that are a bunch of “prima donnas”, that have no personality on the ball or any seeming intelligence for the game, when it comes down to playing the game beautifully with real intention, guile and purpose?

He is actually yawning, this is not a celebration.

England’s next qualifier for the World Cup sees them come up against Scotland at Wembley on November 11thand surely we hope Gareth Southgate will be able to rally together the team to play what they are supposed to play, football and not do a stroll in the park, not being able to hit a barn door even. The many misses and failures to create chances against Slovenia, is just another reminder that England are a terribly weak side with a serious need for a new football philosophy. Can Gareth Southgate bring on football to the likes of what we saw under Bobby Robson in Italy ’90? Probably not and who is to blame for England’s shameful football?

The decision to overlook generations of homegrown talent instead of filling up the Premier League with more English talent is one major factor. This is a problem coming up from grassroots level up to professional level of English football. The second factor is that a modern UK football player is less well rounded in life as a personality, than a teenage boy playing FIFA 17 on their Playstation 4, it seems. They have no creation, no individuality and they all believe in their own hype set upon them by the nations media, once a new England talent comes onto the scene and into the fold. They are called amazing players just for being English and then slapped with a ridiculous over inflated price tag just because they’re an English footballer.

Their clubs overpays them and they don’t even know how to start a washing machine cycle, let alone play like a team and put the ball in the back of the net. After all, that is what football should be about, just look at the ‘Germans’ who have been doing this since the beginning of time. They play as a team, they pass the ball forwards and they score goals with great efficiency. England on the other hand, pass the ball sideways, fail to penetrate weak defence’s of European minnows and play without passion at all times.

Let’s be honest and say that England has been an absolute shiiite football team since around 1992, after 1996, and definitely from 2014 till present day. It is horrifying to watch this boring football and it makes you wonder whom English football has overlooked in terms of young talent at grassroots level? It seems like all the England players chosen to become professional are almost all the wrong one’s. As there must be tons and tons of players, who were far superior but never made it. We are not saying that they are all useless, but on paper, they are supposed to be good but in reality they aren’t. Sure there are a few great talents and then some questionable players in the side, however, when they don’t know how to play football together it makes them all crap together.  Keep following Brainstain for unapologetic reviews, news and for the truth, even in sport.

Want to remember when England played better, buy this lovely DVD here.


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Visit England’s form Stats on Soccerway


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