Here at Brainstain, we know that people like to grab a fresh Cappuccino or a Mocha half decaf-caf’ latte, or even just a coffee made ‘Frappucino’ with no whipped cream, unless you like that sort of thing, to perk them up in the mornings and get them ready face the day. However, how about those people who prefer their morning perk in a cooler consistency, like a type of energy drink, perhaps a ‘Red Bull’ (buy 12) or a ‘Monster’ drink (here)? Is this the healthier and more refreshing option? Or will it just give you a synthetic energy high, unlike the GMO coffee beans in your regular old Starbuck’s caffeine concoction (buy beans here)? What if you’re coffee isn’t doing it for you anymore? Do you then walk through the gateway of “take a break” culture and upgrade like a drug fiend, tasting the taurine-tastic laden delights of energy in a “Red Balls” drink, as seen in “The Chappelle Show” (buy here), where resident crack fiend “Tyrone Biggums” smashes through car windows bare fisted, whilst cart wheeling away from Police, looking for his next hit, whilst totally strung up on this type of energy drink. Cocaine in a can, you might say?
Drink three cans in thirty-five minutes and find out, but please consult your local doctor or practitioner beforehand, as this could be highly dangerous. We had a Cappuccino and a Red Bull this morning as a test and we’re feeling a bit perky already with a half-life surely pushing beyond the hour mark. We might need another Red Bull, so is this the start of that gateway that everyone is talking about, only leading into harder drinks, like ‘Spike’, ‘Pussy’ or ‘Red Bull-Coca Cola’?
Who knows? But, it can be a slippery slope, as this article here proves (read here), linking too much energy drink consumption to at least three fatalities, mostly when coupled with bad spirits, like vodka. Caffeine and Taurine are synonymous with increasing your heart rate, making your cardiovascular function rise, raising your blood pressure, giving you that perky rush. Not as much as cocaine surely? Although, early testing on these energy drinks suggests excessive consumption can cause the fattening of heart artery walls, just like cocaine does. However, the jury is out on this one, as more scientific research needs to be done, following the death of 18 year old Ross Cooney, after he drunk three cans of an energy drink before a basketball game in Limerick, Ireland, while nursing a previous heart condition since when he was a child.
In Sweden, Anders Glyn, of the Swedish National Food Administration, said: “There is no hard scientific evidence available as yet. We will be going through the autopsy reports.” Dr. Andersson of Stockholm’s Soder Hospital, where two further victims are believed to have died from energy drink consumption, said: “If you drink a lot of Red Bull, if you are dehydrated, and if you mix it with alcohol, it can be very dangerous.”
The countries of Norway, Denmark and France have already banned these sorts of drinks, classifying it as a medicine due to its high caffeine and taurine content; and are now engaging in a legal battle in the European Court of Justice. However, Britain’s Food Standards Agency stated that it does not plan to launch an investigation into any of these reported deaths in the UK, over-over consumption of drinks like Red Bull, saying that they have had done a rigorous scientific testing process before even hitting the market, with a safe record stretching back over fourteen years.
So, whether you love a hot cup of questionably brewed coffee beans, to a “Red Balls” type of power surge, or to even hitting new low’s by sprinkling cocaine on your corn flakes at breakfast? We recommend that you consume everything in moderation to achieve that morning pep’ that your heart so desires’. Drink carefully and enjoy the legal perks of societies beverage industry. Tyrone Biggums from ‘The Chappelle Show’ (buy here) fully condones this message and you can watch his ‘Red Balls’ endorsement here , “Shazaam! Cocaine in a can, baby”.
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