At Brainstain, we’ve just been called “Old School” as recently as of today, which we took as a huge compliment. Thank you! However, in the face of modern day dating, we have to try to be a bit “New School” as well, thus attempting to move with the times, but we are facing some major chin grabbing moments, where we just hear the term “hmmm” loudly in our heads, whilst we ponder and philosophize what the world has really come to. We’ve swiped left, we’ve swiped right a few times and we’ve even used the “Superlike” once or twice, but we never even hear a response to those. Haha, face palm!
Usually we’re met with “noisy” matches that we never even really liked in the first place or even recognize to be honest, like who is this person? Let alone would we ever consider taking them out on a date. The struggle continues, where we’re so busy that we don’t have time to meet people in regular ways anymore, that’s not really true, but this is the essence of the dating app objective, is it not? To sit in the comfort of your own home and swipe left and right, until your eyes go square, like your own mother used to tell you. You remember? Come on, she did say that. What’s more comical is the emergence of so-called personality stamps that people claim that they are and or are expecting to meet there. Once again we are “Old School” again and we don’t think we can keep up with these new-age terms of ‘Sapiosexual’, ‘ESTJ’s’ and ‘ENFP’s’, we have to use Google to try and fathom these social media dating site expressions. As if the social media dating scene didn’t need any more confusion, but “NO!” apparently the scene has spawned new words of the type of person that you think you are, with neat little acronyms that nobody ever wants to look up. So, we’ll be right back after yet another Google search. In the meantime, enjoy “Portlandia” (buy here) and get their take on all this terminological nonsense (watch here). Aren’t Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein groundbreaking culture vultures? . We definitely think so.
So, we just Googled “ESTJ’s” and apparently it consist of sixteen different personality types who feel very strongly about who they are. We are amused and at the same time amazed, one day we even might be bothered to research these types of people, who claim to be “ESTJ’s”. Until then, let’s carry on to the term “ENFP’s”, which also consists of these apparent sixteen personalities and more specifically an “ENFP” is defined as the following:
‘The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike Explorers, they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate, the 7% of the population that they comprise can certainly be felt in any crowd’.
We had no clue that people were this sure of themselves that they would label themselves in a category, somehow, we are not surprised. That they’d actually refer to themselves by a social media dating acronym, as if anybody would give a “f***”. Wow! We definitely understand what our father meant when he said “everything was better in the old days, son”. We couldn’t agree more, which leads us to another widely used dating term, the “Sapiosexual”, which is defined as:
‘Sapiosexual is a neologism word (recently constructed word) that has come into common usage; especially on social networking sites where some people are self-identifying as sapiosexual.’
This last term, we’ve come to understand that it refers to a persons attraction to intelligence. We are laughing while we write this and we’re thinking, “No, we absolutely only like completely un-intelligent people (stupid people) and we definitely refuse to date anyone with any form of intelligence, whatsoever.”
So, we’re glad we could clear that up and perhaps we should put this on our dating profile, shorten it to (S.S.O) for (Seeking Stupid Only) or just call us a ‘Stupidsexual’. You heard it here first at Brainstain, we’re simultaneously calling up the copyright office and trademarking this new and useful term that we just coined.
Apart from those obviously irritating terms that make us just want to swipe left, over and over again, another thing which is stupidly common and downright ridiculous is the persistent usage of another phrase, as if it was some sort of ‘Secret Female Collective Dating App Conspiracy Term’, seen in profiles everywhere:
“No hook ups! If so. Please, swipe left”
Well, what did you come here for? Cooking recipes? The meaning of life? A wedding ring? We understand the phrase, but please it’s so overused by now, that if you put it in your profile, you might as well subscribe to a timeshare in a vacation hot spot, where there’ll only be people that live by the phrase, “No Hook Up’s”. We presume that you will have a wonderful and boring time there, with all the others that feel just the same as you do.
In conclusion, dating apps have ruined real dating and further alienated people and we wish for the way that things used to be back in the good old days. We find it hard to believe that anyone would prefer a dating apps versus the old fashioned way, don’t you? Lastly, please can everyone refrain from using those Snapchat “doggy face” filters over his or her dating photos. If we wanted to meet a dog or some kind of animal, we’d go to a pet store or we would have lived in Denmark before their very late ban of bestiality in the spring of 2015. Yes, as crazy as it sounds, Denmark has that unfortunate reputation. Don’t believe us, just Google it. Brainstain over and out!
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P.S. stay vigilant, many click scams and fake profiles. Go figure! Happy swiping!