Jesus! The End of The World in 3 Weeks

According to Nora Roth, a Christian computer programmer, the end of the world is only three weeks away and also that Jesus Christ will come back to guide his people up to heaven. Brilliant! So, just enough time to squeeze in Christmas beforehand, then? Let’s set our calendar with a reminder for roughly three weeks from now, shall we?

Yes, on Christmas Day or even on Boxing Day, it could be the end as we know it, whilst you’re picking up Xmas wraps from the floor and looking forward to all your relatives finally going home. It couldn’t have come at a much worse time, we think. At least, that’s how Nora sees it, claiming that she performed complex calculations using the “Book of Daniel”, which suggests that the Apocalypse will come at the end of 2016. Nora Roth is what some would call a “Christian Conspiracy Theorist”, but she insists her findings are very real. After this event, Jesus will surprise everybody, i.e. “nobody”, since we will all be gone by then and Jesus will  guide all the lost souls back up to heaven again. We sincerely hope not, as we’ve just got started here and it would be a great shame to have it all come to such an abrupt end. The Earth will then rest for 1,000 years she claimed on her website “MarkBeast” with her post, “The Time of The End 2016”.  Here you can visit her website to keep up with the news of the world’s ending, hopefully with some updates, directly from the source herself.

Here we see the Moon bathing in a lake. So, you know that these are most definitely some very strange times. Photo Credit: Geralt – Pixabay.

After she analyzed the “God’s clocks of the sevens” based on the “seven prophecy”, Ms. Roth claims that “everlasting righteousness will be brought in” and the Earth will rest for a millennium afterwards.   For a moment there, we’d secretly hoped that her findings were somehow related to 2Pac’s use of the “7-Day Theory” on his album of the same name, where he was depicted on a cross like ‘Jesus’ on the album (buy) artwork, and that her theory would in fact mean that Tupac (2Pac) would finally come back, just in time for Christmas. That surely would’ve been some of the best news for over the best part of twenty years, since his passing in 1996, we would  think.  His music and talent is still, well and truly missed. R.I.P.

But, this wasn’t to be the case or in any relation to that other theory, since she had conjured up in her research by writing that, “Are 6,000 years of sin almost over? Will Jesus come in 2016? The Bible presents enlightening, logical, and compelling answers to these questions. In short, yes!”

Yes! However, while she explained that although the end is coming, she stopped short of letting us know exactly when it would happen, she wrote, “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only.”

 

 

No doubt, keeping us all in suspense throughout the holiday season. You could literally cut the tension with a knife come Christmas time this year! But, if her prediction is to be correct then we would thoroughly recommend going through as many “Sins” as possible, before we’ve even reached that dreadful stage.

So, you might wish to do what your heart so desires’ in the run up to Christmas, because Jesus “forgives” after all, but we’re not suggesting doing anything untoward or crazy, but maybe just engage in some over-eating especially over the holidays (“gluttony”), but before, perhaps even participate in some very “hot” sex (“lust”), then pat ourselves on the back afterwards (“pride”), then lay around in the sofa all night long like we don’t even give two “f*cks” (“sloth”), then express our (“wrath”) at losing an FIFA17 Online qualifier match, yet again! Hmm (thinking for a moment).

But, we don’t think we could ever do “envy” and “greed” so well, so we’d be a full two sins short of the complete seven to make it into hell, indefinitely with the “Seven Deadly Sins”.  So, you could even go and buy an inflatable “Jesus” (thanks Amazon) as it looks like we’re all going to die either way, pending Nora’s predictions; so all in all, it doesn’t really matter, does it? This is truly the worst news of the week, although some people would argue that Donald Trump being named ‘Person of The Year’ is the sign of the end of times.

Whilst, many others won’t agree with that same statement, but what you are getting with Nora Roth’s news is a clear and surefire warning, similar to the 2012 Mayan Calendar prediction or an impending Y2K catastrophe as it was way back in 1999. Except, that this is coming from a Christian conspiracy theorist, so it’s safe to say we will be sitting on the edge of our seats, until the New Year, at the very least. Here you can buy Mel Gibson’s Jesus movie. Or pick up some “Jesus Mugs?”

 

Brainstain, over and out!

<Story by The Narrator>

Featured Photo Credit: Geralt – Pixabay 

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