Over the past week, the unthinkable happened in the U.S. in the light of the corporate mainstream media’s war on fake news, it has seen great tension arise within prominent folklore and fairytale figures, across the whole world. The furore of fake news has been believed by so many left wing adults, mostly from California, in fact, that many of them have reportedly started to believe in not only “Santa Clause”, but in the “Tooth Fairy” as well. This has caused confusion and anguish amongst fairy tale residents, because let’s just say, that they weren’t prepared for this to ever happen, after all these kids had seemingly grown up, already.
What followed was the news of adults making round trip flights to Finland, trekking into the snowy depths of Lapland, in an attempt to track down Santa Clause himself, in order to pick a bone with him, to even parents pulling out their teeth with prongs and placing them underneath their pillows at night in the hope of some extra money. It’s been a very busy and unsettling time for both concerned.
We did manage to get in contact with Santa’s Workshop, as Santa Clause (buy) himself had reportedly already gone into hiding. He took off on his sleigh and told Mrs. Clause, “I can’t f*****g do this anymore!”
In response, an Elf released this statement: “This could not have come at a worse time for us, with Christmas less than two weeks away. We are swamped with lists of toys that need to be delivered on time, without the added pressure of adults complaining about the gifts that they never received, thirty or so years ago”.
Understandably, this is causing all sorts of problems at Santa’s Workshop, as now it seems like there won’t be any Christmas presents after all, unless Santa returns to the shop.
And furthermore, in Neverland, Tinkerbell (buy) sensationally quit her job after being so closely aligned with Disney for so many years, stating, “It’s just not right, that we have to continue to coddle these gullible idiots, that now completely refuse to grow up, entirely”.
We agree that it is very sad to see Tinkerbell quitting, after first gracing the silver screen in 1953, in the film ‘Peter Pan’, to so much adulation. Peter Pan (buy) had naturally flown off somewhere with some kids and he wasn’t available for comment.
As for the Tooth Fairy, she refused to speak with us, but her secretary said that frankly, she was very “pissed off” about the perennial shift in public opinion and awareness on fake news.
“The Tooth Fairy should only attend to the teeth of children, not adults!” said her secretary.
With the Tooth Fairy (buy) having to clean up a bloody mess underneath pillows all across the educated world, that seemingly watch these mainstream news channels; it’s truly driving her to the ‘point of exhaustion’. But, many dentists are absolutely pleased with this rather strange occurrence, as it’s seen a sudden spike in the need for dental implants and bridges, which we all know to be quite costly. This is no doubt due to the fact that the Tooth Fairy doesn’t have the time, nor the resources to attend to all these new found believers, all at once.
Mr. Sandman stepped in and called all these liberals on the Witch-hunt for Santa Clause, “a bunch of dreamers” and encouraged them to get back to reality, where they belong.
Viking God “Odin”, was caught outside a Co-op store near Bergen, Norway and said, “It’s as if they’re all seeing the news, with just one eye open”, then he vanished into the winter blizzard, like he didn’t even exist in the first place.
Lastly, the Easter Bunny came out of his burrow, having already cancelled his holiday on Easter Island, due to the uproar of fake news, that’s truly disturbing everyone in the community, saying “If they really believe in the Russian hacking stories influencing the USA election, and such fake news, then you better believe that I will not be performing my duties come this April, whatsoever!” before hopping away angrily.
This will no doubt, be a problem for the chocolate industry, but especially if Santa doesn’t follow through on his lists’, we can all expect a domino-effect-bursting this bubble of sorts, where all these tireless joy bringer’s start to pack it in, entirely. Never to return, well, not any time soon anyhow. They simply cannot do their jobs properly if adults continue to act like children.
So, this wouldn’t be good for the many kids of the world and not for our many traditions either, which we are already seeing with these disturbing events.
In a public outcry from the other side, people have called for these extreme liberals to tie their shoes and to stop bothering the public servant hero’s of entertainment and family unity, for fear it will ruin many fairytales and folklore figures’ lives and indeed, also ruin our many special holidays, as well.
Point taken! Thanks to the fairytale and folklore hero’s for clearing this up, once and for all.
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Featured Photo: Alexas_Fotos – Pixabay