At Brainstain, we like to keep up with lifestyle stuff, even dieting which is apart of living your life in style, since looking good is very important, right? So, with Christmas around the corner, no doubt, everyone will indulge in some major over eating during the holiday season. Then, what usually follows in the New Year is a bunch of diet fads on how to lose that weight immediately, yes? We’ve had the Atkins diet, the Zone diet, the Vegan diet, the South Beach Diet, the Raw Food diet, the Starvation Diet, but now way in advance, here comes this New Year’s all time favorite crash diet, the ‘7 Day – Kate Moss Diet’.
We all know that a lot of these diets can be very expensive. This one is no different, but when the latest celebrity diet craze hits the public consciousness, a lot of people don’t care or even consider the price anymore. So, this one is truly as good as any of the others.
Yes, it’s the widely known terminology that’s often practiced; yet never quite officially coined. That’s the sensation of the ‘7 Day Kate Moss Diet’ which is sure to bring in your weight loss very quickly and with amazing results, in a “jiffy” if you will (basically). So, the only question is; “Is it worth your overall health, to look this damn good?” Ancient Astronaut theorists say, “Yes!”
This diet began in London or in Paris, perhaps? It’s been closely associated with the Fashion industry of the 1990s, since way back when the term “Supermodel” first came into play, even before those Victoria Secret “Angels” strutted their sassy stuff on that catwalk runway, with names like Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, Milla Jovovich at the helm; and last but not least, Kate Moss. She was after all, the wafer thin Twiggy-esque-rogue-one-femme fatale, whose face and form captured the hearts of millions across the world. But, how did she do it? Well, she was in fact, born with it, duh?
But, to maintain such a thin figure and have all that energy to fly to New York, Paris, and then back to London, then off to party in LA, on just the calorie intake of a single apple, this is really where the consensus of the actual energy laden diet first came to be known. So, what is in this new diet that’s starting to take the world by storm? Let’s break it down, shall we? However, let’s let it be known, that although the name is similar to the supermodel, in fact, it really has nothing to do with her, whatsoever.
Stop eating food. Cut your food in-take out completely. Just drink English Breakfast Tea, lots of Evian Water and smoke a “f*ck” load of cigarettes’. But, do keep a spare apple around, to subsidize your Carbon Monoxide intake with the help of the oxygen of sorts, found inside apples that help in opening up the “breath” airways, from this remarkable tree fruit.
You should already feel lighter, although, maybe still very hungry. Keep having an apple for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Through the rest of the day, keep smoking and also bring in the sugars that are present in Champagne, to keep you active and alive. A nice steady flow of famous brands like “Moet Chandon” or “Vueve Cliquot” will do the trick here. You might like to downgrade to ‘Freixenet’, because it’s cheaper, but that wouldn’t be in keeping with this diet, would it? So if so, then you might as well “piss off” (London Accent) and go try another diet, altogether, innit? This is the “Kate Moss Diet” after all, FFS!
You might have wondered, how those supermodels ate next to nothing and still stood up right, right? Yes, the secret staple of this diet is to take your nutrition in through your nasal passage. It’s time to snort that energy and give you that super strength, without even needing to eat. You could crush up some Dextro or Lucozade tablets, or just do what Tony Montana did in ‘Scarface’. He looked great, didn’t he? And, he had lots of energy and rarely did you ever see him eat a goddamn thing. Yes, in this diet it may be advised to actually start this off, right from Day 1.
As you may have realized, this diet is not for the faint of heart. It’s hardcore! But, luckily you will not need to go to the gym. In fact, this would be dangerous, so you’re already saving money, right there. Keep the food at bay, in any way that you can, stock up on those Apples, Champer’s and buy a large snowball to last you the full 7 Days. Also, it wouldn’t be wrong to have a timed-release safety box, so you can adhere to the recommended dosage. Watch films like ‘Blow‘, with Johnny Depp, on how not to do this diet.
By now, you’ll have shed a lot of excess inches from your waistline, and you’ll still be full of energy, not with fake empty calories or even with calorific nutritious one’s either, this is a whole different bag, all together. Don’t worry, only a couple more days of this and soon you could potentially have lost an estimated 7 to 10lbs.
By now, you will have also lost quite a bit of sleep, another key factor in getting that nice waif look going. In the short term, a lack of sleep such as this within the ‘7-Day Kate Moss Diet’, will surely intensify your weight loss. Get back on the Champagne train, then eat an apple and cut some morning pep into your bloodstream with a membership card from ‘GNC’, to make you feel better about yourself, whilst still doing it hardcore! There’s only one more recommended day of this crash diet fad to go now, anyway. You’re almost there now! Don’t you quit!
On the last day, you’ll look in the mirror and start to feel quite magnificent about yourself. You look thinner, don’t you? Gosh, this one really effin’ works, doesn’t it? The bags under your eyes, there’s a cream for that though, so do not worry. You don’t even feel hungry, do you? You might even now be able to upgrade from apples to bananas, which are a proven fat burner, especially in the lower abdomen area. You didn’t have to lay down on some Yoga mat and do fifteen sets of fifteen crunches, did you? The fat simply fell off, right? This is the core of the diet, the amazing stuff that they won’t sell you on a TV infomercial at 4am, that you’d totally been shaking and watching all week long. Nope, they didn’t sell you this new diet at all, did they?
Well, as you wake up on Day 8, after hibernating out a while, quit this passing diet fad immediately! And then, begin eating healthy again, quit the cigarettes and stop using the coke! You’ll now be ready for that special event, without needing the gym and everyone’s going to say just how great you really look!
“Jesus Christ! You lost so much weight, f*ck me sideways! How did you do it?!” they will ask you that in absolute amazement.
Then, it’s entirely up to you whether to keep this celebrity secret diet all to yourself, or whether you’ll give them the “7 Step Diet” plan, so that they also can look as great as you already do.
No doubt, we feel that this crash diet which has already been catching on in many elite circles for more than just a several years now, it might just really be the ‘New Year’s’ most popular and quick diet fad, yet! Yes, it surely is the most fast results’ based diet in the entire diet game.
After all, you could possibly have lost 10lbs in only 7-Days, if you had followed all these steps, very carefully. But, also exercise caution to the wind and it might just be best to go back to the ‘Atkins Diet?’ Which is so high in those very good fats and also with those regular toilet visits’, so what’s not to like? Even though, your cholesterol level will surely be shooting through the roof?!
There is no safe crash diet by the way, but when this one is done very carefully, like a professional supermodel from the 1990’s, we could almost endorse the ‘7-Day Kate Moss Diet’, but we will stop short of doing so, right here!!
Disclaimer: We are not endorsing this diet, please find another one! Plus, it’s got nothing to do with Kate Moss, that’s just pop culture terminology of the public consciousness at play here. But, as it’s probably not the healthiest way of losing weight quickly. Do not do this! You have to be of a certain ilk; to pull this one off in the first place.
We are not endorsing this diet at all! It’s dangerous! But, if we gain weight over Christmas, we might stick this diet on our endless list of ‘New Years’ resolutions, next to the line of bungee jumping in Mexico. Or maybe not? So, we will cross that bridge when we get there.
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