Ahhh earphones, what would we do without them? Possibly attempt to commit suicide under the nearest train, as soon as possible maybe? Earphones are necessary when venturing into the urban wilderness of society. In fact, not only are they necessary, they are mandatory.
People and humans lurk around every dark corner, without the protection of earphones you may be put in a situation where you may have to interact with these animalistic creatures. Not having earphones inserted into one’s ear is like an astronaut embarking into space without a helmet, without them, you will basically be deprived of oxygen and float out into space and die.
So with your music turned up as loud as possible to drown out the world, here are 10 Devastating Consequences of Forgetting Your Earphones at Home.
1 – Earphones block out other people’s terrible music.
Hearing the muffled second-hand atrocious rap music that’s blasting from the cheap counterfeit ‘Dr Dre Beats‘ of a low life benefit claiming scumbag that’s sitting on the back of the bus thinking that they are some kind of gangster is not the kind of situation you want to be in without the protection of earphones, or a stab vest for that matter.
2 – Earphones block out second-hand conversation.
‘’Nah man I just came from the shop innit and I’m going back to my yard now’’ erm, sorry… what? The worst case scenario of forgetting your earphones at home? Having to listen to other people’s dire and pathetic conversations, while you sit there with gritted teeth wishing you could kill yourself and end your misery right now.
3 – Earphones block out words that we don’t understand.
Whilst being reluctantly forced to listen to an abominable conversation from native English speakers is a horrendous pain in itself, nothing is worse than being within radius of a conversation, where you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. This is called foreign people “decoding” and it is an impossible and pointless task unless you have Google translate on standby. What makes it even more nauseous is that for unknown reasons, foreign people seemingly tend to speak a whole lot louder than native English speakers, which means your antisocial senses will be tingling and your tolerance boiling. At this stage, you question whatever you require an interpreter or a gun to kill yourself.
4 – Earphones scare away the charity scammers.
Not having earphones inserted into ones ears is like having a huge billboard etched on your shoulders advertising and inviting in any conversation, especially for that eagle-eyed opportunists that will spot you (and your wallet) within radius. Going past those pesky charity ninjas is like going into battle without armour. You are basically inviting a slow death into your life.
5 –Earphones beat the Monday morning blues.
Having earphones on while travelling on public transport is a mandatory requirement. Perish the thought of not having earphones whilst doing the daily commute to work and then having to hear the screeching of the Underground Tube or the obnoxious sound of an overbearing office worker talking to their work colleague, about an upcoming work presentation (as if anybody gives a shit about your stupid job?).
6 – Earphones are good for ones wellbeing.
Earphones allow us to have much-needed and required alone time. It allows us to put up barriers and shut out distractions, making ourselves appear less approachable to strangers in the process and closing off the outside world. You could be in a crowded and over populated train station and always escape into your own imaginary world, as the entrancing sound of music makes you forget the monstrous surroundings of people and the miserly of reality around you.
7 – Earphones scare away beggars.
‘’Can you spare some change please?’’. This is the annoying sound that is even more annoying as the sound of a rattling tin can from a Romanian beggar, as you try to withdraw your hard-earned cash from the cashpoint. Having earphones inserted into one’s ears shuts out the desperation of a poverty ridden multicultural society, so with earphones you can simply turn a blind eye to it. No, you cannot have my money, get a job and stop harassing me.
8 – Earphones are a people deterrent.
People assume they can actually come up to you and invade your personal radius when earphones are not present. ‘’Excuse me do you have the time please?’’ ‘’Can you tell how I get to Baker Street station please?’’ How about, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I do not wish to interact or engage in conversation with humans in any way, shape or form. Do I look like Google Map to you!? Leave me alone!
9 – Earphones block out the whines of children.
The lingering scream of a baby on public transport is a fate worse than death. While the ignorant, unassuming and selfish parent just continues to swipe away on their phone, they keep ignoring their disobedient child’s whines, all while the poor unfortunate commuters within radius of this banshee are forced to suffer in silence. This is what earphones were designed for, to block out the wailing of evil children everywhere and to bring peace and serenity to our civilisation.
10 – Earphones offer a safe place.
Ultimately earphones offer a safe haven, a force field to protect you from the attacks and intrusions of society. Leaving your earphones at home, leaves you vulnerable and exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Without earphones you are endangered, unsafe and unprotected. Would you have sex unprotected? No! So, why would you leave your house without earphones? Its better to be safe than to be sorry, so always put earphones into your ears.
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: Concept2 Forum