Why Valentine’s Day Absolutely Sucks!

The lonely, companionless, rejected and unloved, absolutely fear and dread this day that is now upon us, February 14th, Valentine’s Day. In comparison to the flu, there’s nothing you can do about it, no matter how many paracetamols you take, you’re going to catch the dread of Valentine’s Day, either way.

On February 14th, you will be reminded exactly why you are completely and utterly single and why you will be alone forever. Valentine’s Day is inventible and like a feminist at an Anti-Trump rally, it leaves tears, hormones, destruction and chaos in its path.

Valentine’s Day is dreary, dismal, dark and gloomy and if you are single than you should barricade yourself in your room and avoid all human and social interaction at all costs.  Sounds like all other days, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

But, if you are misfortunate enough to have to be out in public on a date, than be prepared to enter lovely dovey decorated shops and be surrounded with heart shaped milk chocolate cakes dripping in tantalising and gooey fudge, as prettily pink sprinkles and cheesy 90′s romantic power ballads destroy the essence of your soul.

You can almost hear the ‘’ka ching’’ sound ringing like cash registers from the hungry eyes of salivating corporate greediness that are hell bent on taking your money from you, like a commercialised balding business men in a pinstriped suit, sitting comfortably perched in the retail industry head offices when Valentine’s Day arrives. There deep ridden pockets are filled every time a cheap rose is frantically purchased in the frenzied rush of the Valentine’s Day shopping rush.

I hate Valentine’s Day. The candy tells you how it really feels.

For every badly humoured Valentine’s Day card and cheap bottle of Lambrini purchased for an unassuming significant other, shipped all the way from a factory in the middle of China where 12 year old slum ridden girls get paid a measly 10p an hour to sew and stitch stuffed teddy bears, love dies and breaks into a thousand little pieces.

Valentine’s Day is a manufacturing conveyor belt, designed to make those who are single feel miserable and those who are in relationships to feel some kind of self worth, just so out of 365 days in a year, someone’s other half can be made to feel special as they are handed a Pink and red Latex Helium balloon with the words ‘’I love you’’ written on it (because we all know that stereotypically feminine colours, represent enduring unrequited love, right?).

Everywhere you look on Valentine’s Day there are advertisements for loved up couples and besotted lovers plastered ever so conveniently in every dusty and smeared shop window and in every restaurant says, ‘’Spend Valentine’s with us, over a discounted 3 course meal surrounded by candles and rose petals’’.

For those less fortunate to be joined at the hip by an adoring boyfriend or girlfriend? A takeaway pizza and Netflix seems more appropriate, to avoid all the lame marketing deals of Valentine’s Day.

I mean, who wants to be surrounded by glaring, judgemental and belittling stares of pity and ridicule from beaming couples, as they tuck into their £15 half price lobster salad, decked in poorly stencilled heart shaped mushroom (or some other quite ridiculous gimmicky ‘’heart’’ themed nonsense on the menu) bitter? Never!

Valentine’s Day sucks, it’s a blemish on the calendar and quite frankly the world would be a better place without it!

Story By Michael Lee

Here buy a Valentine’s Day Mug

Featured Photo Credit: Pixabay

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