Valentine’s Day: Is there a link between Pizza and Sex? (and why do only the good pizza places close down?)

Why is it that only the good pizza delivery places close down? That’s the real question on this Valentine’s Day, just why? With so many Pizza places around, are most of them just serving up terrible pizza and why is it that only the really “good pizza” delivery places, ever shut up shop at some point?

Let’s take this quote from the film, ‘Threesome’ where “Stuart”, played by Stephen Baldwin, says, “Sex, it’s like pizza. Even if it’s bad, it’s still pretty good”, listen below at 30 seconds into the trailer of this classic film from 1994, which also stars Lara Flynn Boyle and Josh Charles.

On a day like today, this couldn’t be more false or could it be even more true? One thing is for sure which is that our standards of pizza delivery are pretty high these days and we won’t settle for anything less than a (7.5 to 10 Star Rating) on that wonderful pizza pie. You see?

We’re not sure what’s worse, a lousy lay or a sub-standard pizza, that you had to pay for? Do you even know what’s worse than that? We don’t either.

But, eating up all those calories in a Pizza Pie, that isn’t anything short of excellent, just isn’t good for you, let alone physically or mentally. Who really wants a sub-standard doughy lay of a pizza pie? Pizza is meant to be good, otherwise, what’s the point?

It’s the same thing as having sex with somebody that you’re not attracted to, because that can cause all sorts of levels of inner self-loathing, once the deed is done and all the pizza is gone. You feel dirty, don’t you?

You feel used because you ate all of it and it was definitely very lousy pizza and it wasn’t even good, not even a tiny bit, so even if you lied about it to yourself, you’d still have those nightmarish thoughts of settling for that, especially on a day like Valentine’s Day of all days.

This must be how women feel when they have sex with men that don’t know how to do it right or that they are not even attracted to? We believe this to be correct. We don’t know, but can any woman confirm this?

So, is sex sort of like pizza, as the famous line in the film “Threesome’, written by Andrew Fleming suggests?

When it comes to lousy sex, from a man’s point of view it is usually if a woman is stiff as a board? Like a dead plank of sorts, both a shocking and horrible experience that one still tries to suppress till today. Like cardboard pizza..

Let’s admit it, this pizza looks sub-standard, cheap, low quality and just not good. 5 out of 10 rating at best. Photo Credit: Meditations – Pixabay

Let’s just say if it was pizza, it be a very sub-standard pizza, but there seems to be a link between the two, but clearly there are far worse pizza places than there are lousy lays at this point, because we all like quality, don’t we?

Or is this because you just never know what kind of pizza you are going to get? It’s always try before you buy, maybe a bit like sex, playing Russian Roulette with the pizza delivery app, but hopefully this time it’s actually good. Who hates bad pizza? We do!

The difference is you can’t be attracted to pizza, but you can be attracted to the person that you will have sex with. Now, if you have sex with people who you’re not even attracted to, this will usually result in bad sex and this will bring back haunting memories for years to come of all those times that you ate pizza, that just wasn’t worth it. Not a nice feeling, right?

So, is it better to not order pizza that you just won’t enjoy? “Yes”, the answer is “yes”, because quality over quantity is much more satisfying, every time.

Then you won’t feel like you need that long shower to wash off or even to hit the gym to burn off all those bad calories that you had just eaten up in that pizza pie.

Yes, so pizza and sex, there’s a definitive link between quality, quantity and just plain old, good, bad and the ugly. The latter speaks for itself.

Who wants sub-standard pizza? Not us, as we only want the best and most authentic pizza around, whether it’s American, Italian, Asian, (yes, Asian!) or even your home delivery style pizza.

Sadly, the only good pizza place on home delivery has just shut down recently, it was a deep pan, squared pizza, full of goodness and fresh ingredients, not unlike a deep New York style Pizza, if that could ever be a real thing? And, we are still wondering why they had to close down? We continue to wonder how people didn’t like the best pizza in town? What happened? Did the owner die or something?

Now, but there’s a bunch of imitation pizza places around, where the options don’t go together and it is either too spicy, too doughy, too fat or just plain old, too sloppy. Not nice! Or they are deceptive, calling it NY Pizza but there’s nothing New York City about it, instead it’s Brazilian pizza, which is sort of the equivalent to lousy lay, in being with a woman so unrecognisable without her make-up on.

Luckily, we found one slice that actually looks good enough to eat. Photo Credit: StockSnap – Pixabay

That grand deception of false marketing, yet again, which will always leave you feeling completely fooled! That’s not New York Pizza, you liars!

Hmmm? That’s not good and that’s the kind of pizza that we’re not signing up for, “Thanks, but we’d rather starve to death, than to eat that sh*t!”

So, will we keep ordering from the same places that we don’t like? No, and will be endlessly searching for a new pizza place, knowing that all the options out there, are just plain old terrible?

The answer is “No”, yet again and what is clear here is that sex is sort of like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good, unless the pizza is just plain old horrible. Then, it’s just not good at all! It’s like that sex that you wish you could forget.

So, sex is like pizza, if it’s good, then it’s good pizza, but if it’s bad, it’s like bad pizza, so then you just need to change the pizza place or even change your location. But, when you know from years of experience that there aren’t any other pizza places worth ordering from, after 18 years of experience, you know that they just don’t exist, you truly do wonder what’s the point in even ordering in the first place?

Both factors of X though, will have different results now, than just kidding yourself by ordering from the same old lousy pizza places. But, why did the only good pizza delivery service that ever existed around here, have to close down? Just, why?


Sods Law probably! We only want the best pizza, especially on Valentines Day and all other days too!


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Can you recommend a good pizza delivery place? Let us know, thanks.

Featured Photo Credit: Meditations – Pixabay


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