Ordering a Pizza, it can be sort of an emotional process to say the least. There is the initial enthusiasm of ordering, to the godly moment that you finally put that luscious delight of all that dough into your mouth.
Let’s look at the 10 stages of emotion when ordering a Pizza, just think of us as your very own Pizza Psychiatrist today.
Stage One – The first order
Good Pizza can be orgasmic, once you finish that first slice; you simply want more and you run back to the pizza box for another slice. But, there’s certain feeling of exhilaration that comes over your subconscious mind when you order a pizza, “It will be about 40 minutes”, so you get everything organised, the plates, the paper towels and then you wait for joy, provided that they aren’t delayed and that they don’t mess up your order.
Stage Two – The anticipation
The next 40 minutes can feel like an entire life time or if they are completely late, then it will feel even longer than that. But, when the doorbell finally rings and your pizza has arrived, you run to the door like an over enthusiastic dog, wagging its tail to no end.
Stage Three – The arrival
The time has arrived and there’s the sound of the pizza delivery man approaching, there’s the knock at the door. Your 40 minute wait is over. You excitedly open the door, over eager to get your hands on that pizza box, so now its time for the exchange.
Stage Four – The Greeting
There’s the usual greeting of very few words between you and the foreign delivery man with his motorbike helmet on, as your hands extended out to take the delivery from his firm grip. You actually feel the magic radiating through the pizza box as you reluctantly place it down to pay for the bill. ‘’Take my money now’’ you subconsciously think to yourself as you hand over the money for payment, probably the most eager you have ever been to give a complete and utter stranger your hard-earned cash. You both exchange pleasantries and then you slam the door shut and make your way back to your domain, the living room sofa or even your bed, now with Pizza box clutched with both hands like a prized possession.
Stage Five – The prepping process
You position yourself comfortably as the delicate process begins. it’s almost like some kind of superstitious ritual deep-rooted in tradition, as you enthusiastically open the cardboard box perched in front of you just like an Islamic Terrorist would open up the Quran and shout “Allahu Akbar’’, before blowing himself up. It’s Pizza!
Stage Six – Love at first sight
And, there it is in all its beauty and glory as the steam rises from the freshly baked dough. The luscious smell of the mouth-watering and alluring sight in front of you, enters your nostrils as you slowly begin to feel a sense of purpose and reason for your existence, especially on this Wednesday. What better way to break the weak than on a hump day, with some Pizza, right?
Stage Seven – The tease
It’s like a spiritual awakening and you have been saved, “hallelujah” you proclaim as the Holy Ghost nudges you on to inhale and savour this glorious moment. Taking the first slice and lifting it slowly from the pizza box, the cheese dripping over the edge of the pizza, then even sticks to the cardboard box as you take one final look at it, before usually devouring the whole thing. After all, you paid for it. Let’s hope it’s actually any good?
Stage Eight – The first slice
Uplifting, elevated, heightened, it’s like a whole universe has exploded inside of your mouth, your world is quite literally spinning and those taste buds are reaching extraordinary heights as the everlasting taste melts into the salivating pits of your mouth. This is good pizza!
Stage Nine – The sadness
However, it’s a feeling of unavoidable sadness and inevitable realization that 12 pizza slices have now become 11, and even though you wholeheartedly cherish the journey, when all is said and done, you will be reluctantly looking at an empty pizza box, still yearning and longing for more. It’s like mentally preparing yourself for a death of a loved one who is slowly going to not be there any longer, you know it’s going to happen, so isn’t it better to grieve their loss now, so when they’re gone, the pain is much less palpable?
Stage Ten – True love
Nothing in life is certain; however one thing that can be guaranteed is the love for pizza. Whenever you are feeling down, lonely and need something warm to fill the cold void in your heart, pizza will always be there for you. Boyfriends and Girlfriends will come and go, but the love of a pizza will always remain. Pizza will never cheat on you, pizza will never make you cry, and pizza will always remain loyal and faithful. Pizza is the true definition of love and the only real relationship that you will ever have in your life where you won’t get hurt.
Unless of course, the pizza was terrible and then it deserves complaints and a very low score rating, because you’re angry that you had to pay for a lousy doughy, nasty and cold pizza, so you leave them a viciously crap review on Yelp or on their Delivery App. As a Pizza on a Wednesday night, might just help to get you through the week. Does anyone have any good pizza place suggestions, do let us know in the comments?
Story by Michael Lee
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Featured Photo Credit: VeronaPizzaUK