Ever felt the urge to have sex with a Unicorn or you feel that the symbol of the Unicorn represents the progressive left’s moral high ground on many dubious issues, then this is definitely the sex toy item for you.
You are already in the right (left) place and one step closer to fulfilling your perverted sexual fantasy with a mythical creature or symbol, that’s used by lefties to express their backwards stances on being so liberal, whilst being anything but liberal.
We introduce to you, the Unicorn horn dildo, which is quite possibly the weirdest thing that we have ever seen. But, this should sell well with these virtue signalling anti-Trump protestors and also with politically blinded people in general, who somehow feel that a Unicorn is a symbol of worldwide tolerance and unity.
Brought to you by the folks at Geeky Sex Toys, the same filthy nerds behind the infamous and somewhat disturbing Pokemon dildo and Mighty Morphin Power Ranger inspired butt plugs. Yes, this enchanting piece of wonderment promises to “help stimulate the most magically tolerant orgasm’’ and it is available in a variety of inspiring colours (pink, purple and white) to those that feel the need to masturbate in protest, whilst elevating yourself over an imaginary rainbow of tolerance. Here you can have the very best of what bestiality has to offer (complete with enchanting puffs of purple clouds and sprinkles of fairy dust). Ridiculous, but true.
A bit more like a Unihorn then a Unicorn (see what we did there); this dreamlike Dildo device for your typical blind fascist liberal, comes equipped with a 7.5 inches long, 100% silicone and handmade horn, which looks like something out of an Ice Cream van. How joyous, right? There’s also a super strong suction cup on the end, so you can easily attach it to someone’s head, if you’re fully committed to the Unicorn role play thing (apparently, Unicorn fetish is a thing you know?).
Maybe, we are slightly old-fashioned and conservative here at Brainstain, but can’t people just make do with just regular, non-magical dildos? Without any ridiculous and somewhat political symbol in the playroom? Margaret Thatcher would not be impressed, nor would anyone else with an ounce of credibility. But, these sparkly, swirly Unicorn dildos look like some sort of Harry Potter prop or a decorative item, found in a little girls room and that’s not the kind of association you want, really, is it?
But, for these Anti-Trump and effervescent protestors across the land, when you want to go full “LIBTARD” just even at home, then this should definitely be on your shopping list. Just imagine a night in with the Unihorn, as you reminisce about Barack Obama’s presidency and then yearn for that never going to happen Hillary Clinton presidency, as well. (Sorry, we’re gonna’ be a bit sick)
But, if that’s your type of thinking, then ladies or whoever you are, you must purchase this item for the noble cause of all the backwards tolerance on random issues from the liberal left, that really have no place being discussed in the first place. Do it for them, if not only for you…
So, why not pleasure yourself with the fake thing that grows out of the forehead of a fictional horse that you feel is the great symbol of the progressive left, plus tolerance and such. So, why not stick a Unicorn horn up your vag or anywhere else (as we are unbiased in what hole you decide to use it in) and be creative as you make your own glittery rainbow shower or whatever you had in mind for that magical happy ending. As at least, politically you have lost since November 8th, 2016, so why not cheer yourself up with one of these, instead?
We do hope that no endangered Unicorns were harmed in the harvesting of these horns for novelty purposes or for perverted purposes, or we may need to call the ASPCA.
To purchase your very own Unicorn horn click this link.
Story by Michael Lee
Feature Photo Credit: dreamicus