Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Know How Freaky She Is

Gwyneth Paltrow, the actress, who is the daughter of an actress, who is now an online shopping mogul/blogger, selling T-Shirts for around $400 and such; has just endorsed the cultural taboo phenomenon of anal sex and just when you thought that Gwyneth couldn’t be anymore “Vanilla”, she brings out the “Chocolate” to spice things up, a little. We’re just not sure how we feel about this coming from Gwyneth Paltrow of all people?? She will have to convince us…

“Oh my”, we might be convinced now….

“If anal turns you on, you are not alone” was written on her website, “Practically standard in the modern bedroom repertoire” it was published on her website. Hey, sounds like somebody had a very interesting week, right? Let’s just not involve any imagery of Chris Martin in any and all of this, okay? Don’t worry…

Yes, right on the site, a Q&A with PH.D Justin Lehmiller, have a gander, why don’t you? How to have good casual anal sex, everything you need to know apparently, read here.

So, does Gwyneth like a bit of backdoor action? It surely seems like it and if anything this will make her image less “Vanilla” = “Boring” and a little more “Risqué”, perhaps? She could definitely use a good rodgering to make her image a little less “Vanilla”, don’t you think?

In fact, Gwyneth is far from “Vanilla”, with probably more notches on her bed post than a drunk guy on Spring Break, or with more notches on her bed post, than with any S&M gear to latch onto it, since her website has already delved into swingers parties, preferred sex toys, lube and much more of other sexual paraphernalia to boot, then you could ever shake a stick at…

With fun-filled Friday on the horizon now and Sodomy Sunday just around the corner, trust Gwyneth to touch all the bases ahead of the weekend. See?

Steady Gwyneth, steady on…We understand that Chris Martin was a very lousy lay, but please take it easy on that man’s crotch, okay?

The 44-Year-Old no doubt knows how to pre-heat the oven, shove in the pie and then wait till it’s all ready to go. Once upon a time, we thought that Gwyneth might be the new Martha Stewart, but she’s proving us all wrong, with published words like these on her website.

“First it was shocking, then it was having a cultural moment, now it’s practically standard in the modern bedroom repertoire — or so a quick scan of any media, from porn to HBO, will tell you,’ the mother-of-two begins her piece. ‘But the reality about anal is not, actually, that everyone’s doing it.”

Her website added, “If anal turns you on, you are definitely not alone. But, its prevalence doesn’t change the fact that it’s the riskiest sexual behavior in terms of HIV and other STDs”

Good advice, there. Justin Lehmiller discussed in the Q&A, “I’d say that by 2005, porn had totally blurred the distinction between a woman’s anus and vagina”.

Hmmm? Depends on which hole, surely?

Please find us any woman who will agree with that, then make her leave a comment in our comments section below, because we’re not convinced that women really feel the same way all the time, quite in the same way that Gwyneth and Justin feel about it. In fact, we’d put money on it, that that’s not really the case at all, unless proven otherwise.

After this sadly, the expose on anal became a little too scientific and just in too much bad taste for our liking, going into too much detail, with words like “fecal” (EW!) TMI (too much info), perhaps? Something that Gwyneth does too much of, which is why she’s probably still single and divorced. We meant, going on about minor details and such…

She’s truly gone and went into overkill on the subject at hand, when it’s really as simple as, “do you want it up your rear end or not?”

After all, it’s not rocket science, is it? For f*ck sake! (Sorry, we had to say it!)

And, we think we will leave it at that, each to their own, as they say. But, clearly whilst Air travel has pretty much been the same since anyone can remember, perhaps, anal is now more advanced and accepted then it was way back in the 1950s or 1960s? There’s a fact for a fun-filled Friday, don’t you think?

Just enjoy whatever you’re into and don’t let Gwyneth put you off, umkay? But, she added a link to a Sex Dungeon in Los Angeles, especially for you, just in case you wanted to go there, as well..No offence to Gwyneth at all, it was educational for us all, right? How are you doing, Gwyneth?

Good! How thoughtful that Gwyneth is, right? And, to think that we thought that Gwyneth was about as sexual as a librarian on a vow of abstinence on the recommendation of her local Catholic Sister Nun from across the road. Then all of a sudden, cue “Shocking anal revelations!”


How completely wrong were we about her?! Gwyneth’s a “super freak, super freak, she’s super freaky!”

Brainstain, over and out! Happy Friday!

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Featured Photo Credit: xdesktopwallpapers

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