We have some amazing top-secret “confidential” breaking news coming at us today! The Democrats finally found the “Russian Hacker” that had seemingly made everyone vote for Donald Trump in the U.S. Presidential election of 2016. Say it isn’t so? Yes, but it’s true, Donald Trump has been removed from the Presidential “Hot Seat” and Hillary Clinton can now continue Barack Obama’s venture of total destruction of the nation.
The mainstream media no doubt played their part, funded by these left-wing “shadow government” hacks in bringing the infamous “Russian Hacker” to the attention of the authorities and are you really ready for the big reveal?
The man simply known as “Alexei Hackerovski” has now been unveiled at a press conference at the DNC, where they are minutes away from airing a special broadcast sponsored by CNN which will finally justify how he managed to pull it all off. How did he do it? Nobody knows, but it looks they finally found the main suspect. The police found the man in hiding with a box of paper voting ballots and a suspected voting malware machine that was used to infect people’s minds when they entered the voting booth’s. Experts conclude that the way people were infected by the mind altering machine was through what can only be described as some sort of “Osmosis” or so-called “Russian Telepathy”.
Psychic Spies, UFO (illegal alien) Researchers, and the Democrats are all confirming this story as we speak, and it’s truly the outcome that all liberal lefties had been waiting for.
At the top of the agenda, there will now be the Transgender Toilet Debacle, plus maintaining all illegal alien’s rights to deface the nation in those joyous sanctuary cities, plus also a lot more shady dealings with the Middle East are to be expected, with bribery and back payments to the Clinton Foundation, being paramount to America’s future success.
Once again, the American flag will once again be considered “racist”, purple hair will be mandatory for all women, and the holiday of Christmas will finally be laid to rest, because it might offend Muslims.
Women’s rights will be marched for in the streets “24/7” along with the Unicorn now replacing the American Eagle as the national symbol of national pride, with also the potential for mandatory prayers at least five times a day, juxtaposed to the soundtrack of Bruce Springsteen’s greatest hits. Amazing!
Hollywood are now celebrating that they can continue their clueless limousine liberalism and champagne socialism without fail, and the new communist capital of the world has aptly been selected as San Francisco. Marxist intolerance is alive and well there after all, so what’s not to like?
George Clooney has returned to the limelight, even after his comments on mass-migration into Europe from predominately Islamic countries, despite many African’s now currently sleeping rough outside his Lake Como mansion. Meryl Streep has signed onto a new film playing Hillary Clinton. The rumoured title of the new Streep film will simply be called “Hillary: Told You it Was the Russians” and Meryl Streep will definitely win the Oscar for it, for Best Actress.
It’s already in the script, you could say. Yay!
People can now continue to live in their safe spaces of denial, whilst the country crumbles and the Clinton Foundation gets even richer. John Podesta has had his status as a child molester completely revoked, and he can seemingly carry on where he left off down at that Pizza Parlour.
Wow! It’s been quite the day for breaking news on this Saturday the 1st of April, and we wish everyone a wonderful weekend!
Oh, and given the sudden liberal shift of this miraculous news story, we here at Brainstain News will hereby remove all our logical views on the world and current affairs, thus we will get all our information from one source and one source only, from now on: “CNN”. We will dye our hair purple and stand in solidarity with all the Unicorn lovers out there in order to celebrate political correctness, multiculturalism, socialism, communism, and the Koran as well, just to let everyone know that we are down with the left side. It’s the only way we can truly show our love and dedication to the left wing!
Lastly, we would like to state clearly once and for all that we are now full-blown social justice warrior feminists’ here at Brainstain, and anyone that disagrees with our views are simply homophobic, xenophobic, racist Nazi’s that don’t support elderly men dressed as women in children’s bathrooms. How dare you?! Plus, we are also wearing a hijab today in celebration of women’s rights!
Go Hillary! She’s America’s President now, and Mr. Russian hacker and his pal Donald Drumpf are well and truly gone for good.
What a day it has been! Enjoy yours, too!
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Featured Photo Credit: The Independent