How Do You Like Your Barbie? Crispy, Well Done, Or Burnt?

With the sun now roasting us like a heat wave in Dubai, it’s that time of the year when Dad’s up and down the country whip out their sausages and toss them on the charcoal. We are of course talking about the traditional family Barbecue (get your mind out of the gutter people!)

Looking more like a Barbecue than Barbie, meet the plastic doll wannabe who’s spent thousands on surgery to look like this.

With her outrageous peroxide hair, 32S cleavage and tiny size 6 frame, 28-year-old Martina Big (yes, that’s really her name) from Germany, has gone to extreme lengths to recreate her dream “Barbie” look. Is she hot, or just plain burnt? Make up your own mind as you take a look at her below.


If you needed further reasons why Britain voted to leave the E.U (apart from Angela Merkel, of course) then this is it!

Also, we don’t know what kind of Barbie dolls Martina was playing with as a child, but if Barbie looked like a deranged serial killer, then that would clearly explain why Martina resembles a burnt psychopath related to Freddy Krueger in some way.

It’s hard to fathom that Martina is only a mere 28 years old, especially considering her numerous tanning injections that have left her looking like a 78-year-old piece of burnt toast.

We like tea and toast here at Brainstain very much, but the thought of having breakfast with Martina is enough for anyone to lose their appetite.

Thanks to extreme tanning injections and sunbed sessions, the model has turned her former pale skin a deep mahogany shade that draws stares and gasps of complete and utter horror from strangers everywhere that she goes.

“I was not expecting to go so dark, but it worked so well. I love it and I really want to push it to the extreme’’ said Martina.

“Now I just want to get darker and darker and see what the limits are.’’

She still describes herself as a European/Caucasian and says she will not change the colour of her eyes or eyebrows, which she proudly describes as “the only natural things she will keep”.


Martina, whose unique breast implants can be “pumped up” by injecting saline, says she does not think black people would be offended by her look. Wouldn’t you think that liberals would have called her out for cultural appropriation of some kind by now?

“Yes, I have the skin of an African girl, but I am not pretending to be a black girl” so she says, and there’s us thinking she could be the new poster girl for “Black Lives Matter”.

Former air hostess Martina began modifying her body in 2012 after her boyfriend encouraged her to start modelling. Initially, she had planned to have surgeries to enhance her bust and lips but soon she found herself addicted to changing her body in extreme ways.

To date, Martina has spent more than £50,000 on cosmetic surgeries and procedures, which is probably enough money to feed an entire 3rd world country!

With even more tanning injections and skin modification planned, we wonder if Martina will end up looking like Freddy Krueger, or end up resembling a pile of burnt ash instead? After all, we genuinely thought that they may have actually been related.

Media Giphy

“1,2, Martina is coming for you, three, four, better lock your door!”

<Story by Michael Lee> 

Featured Photo Credit: Vidible

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