Remember that fairy tale happy ever after we were indoctrinated to believe as unassuming children? Well, it was all a complete and utter lie, it does not exist! Your Disney Prince or Princess or gender neutral significant other, will not catch you in their arms, but you do have more of a chance of catching an STD, then you do at finding undivided and all-conquering love like in the fairy tales.
Being single is not only an essential survival technique, but it has been scientifically proven that being single is also beneficial for one’s health and general wellbeing.
True, you may see out the inevitable nuclear holocaust by North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un single and utterly alone, but at least you will die knowing that nobody cheated on you or strung you along like Bill Clinton did, leading on Monica Lewinsky with the promise of a presidential run.
Lewinsky for 2020 anyone?
Being in a relationship has a lot of negative side effects, being stress-free by day and being a borderline nervous and depressed alcoholic by night, that’s what the stress of dating can do to you.
Being single in this millennial generation, not only means you avoid the hordes of generic dating apps that suck the very fabric of your soul, but you get to sleep like a starfish, not have to share your Pizza and you get to discover more money will suddenly appear in your pocket at the end of the week.
Being single doesn’t necessarily mean that your milkshake no longer brings anyone to the yard, but it does mean that your individuality will not be comprised and you can live in a permanent anxious free state of mind.
Imagine being able to go to bed every single night and rest your weary head on your pillow and sleep safe and sound, knowing that nobody is currently cheating on you and treating you like a mug. It’s moments like this that makes being single all worthwhile.
So, with that in mind, here are 15 ways in which being single is a better option for you. Remember, it’s best to be alone if it means being in a relationship and being bitterly miserable and unhappy. That meal for one suddenly sounds so much more appealing now.
1 – You can do as you please and you don’t owe anyone any form of explanation whatsoever. You literally exist in your own universe and you rule your own kingdom (or Queendom) to conform to politically correct and gender neutral guidelines.
2 – When your armpits stink, you don’t have to do nothing about it, literally nothing.
3 – You never have to wear underwear at home ever again. Or any form of clothing at all, for that matter.
4 – Not having to compromise on movies. If you want to watch the ‘One Direction’ movie you can (through we would question anyone wanting to watch the ‘One Direction’, movie quite frankly)
5 – Never having to say you’re sorry, over and over and over and over and…
6 – You will save your thumb from unnecessary strain by not constantly swiping right on Tinder.
7 – In fact, just not being on any form of dating site will make you mentally and physically, a better person.
8 – Not having to leave a party early because your significant other isn’t having fun and is a socially awkward hermit.
9 – Not having to go through the intense interview and integration of a first date. Even an Islamic Terrorist doesn’t have to go through such extreme vetting as a serial dater.
10 – Netflix and … well, erm, actually just Netflix.
11 – You will never know what uncertainty feels like ever again.
12 – Not having to share a Nandos platter, like… ever!
13 – You can authentically dance to Beyoncé’s ‘Single Ladies’ because you are actually a genuine singleton and not a fake.
14 – You don’t need to fill time and space by unnecessarily communicating. Silence is golden.
15 – Ultimately being single means your heart can remain a peaceful sanctuary. Plus, who needs a significant other when you have an Xbox One right?
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: The Odyssey Online