You know the drill by now. A vote is announced that could potentially change the political landscape. Mass hysteria prevails, followed by left-wing scaremongering and fear tactics to convince you that monsters lurk beneath your bed and that aliens could potentially be among us and already stealing your DNA.
Pretty much, there’s a generic public chain reaction when a vote is announced followed by the usual mandatory protesting ad petition licking.
Votes seem to be a British past time and tradition.
The British public literally love to vote.
Not since an annual X-Factor Live Final has the British public been so invested in a public vote. On 18th April, 2017, British Prime Minster Theresa May suddenly appeared out of nowhere announcing a snap general election planned for 8th June, in seven weeks time.
And, there’s us thinking that the UK would be dropping a bomb on Kim Jong-Un instead. Bit of an anti-climax if you ask us!
Making her shock announcement from the steps of No 10, Mrs May said that Britain needed ”strong leadership” and insisted an early poll was the “right approach” and in the “national interest”.
It was as if Winston Churchill himself had been resurrected (in drag)
So much patriotism and British pride decked in heels and a neat bowl haircut.
Revealing that Britain would go to the polls in just seven weeks, Mrs May said: “We need a general election and we need one now, because we have at this moment a one-off chance to get this done while the European Union agrees its negotiating position and before the detailed talks begin.”
Mrs May said “every vote for the Conservatives” would give her a stronger hand when she sits across the negotiating table from the EU’s presidents and prime ministers to hammer out a Brexit deal.
Ahhhh Brexit, we meet again.
Brexit seemed to be the key deciding factor in holding a snap general election.
And with the announcement of the election looming this could be a potential catalyst for Remoaners to try and sabotage Brexit. Hard Brexit? Soft Brexit? No! We want a non-existent Brexit! Screw democracy!
We are sure that Gina Miller is currently scheming and plotting her next dastardly move in the shadows, as we speak.
The sudden election was a chance for every snake and questionable character to come to the battleground, complete with battle-axe and ulterior motives.
You could literally see the pupils of Liberal Democrats leader Tim Farron and his merry band of the 48% that voted to stay in the EU widen with optimistic hope and glee, that this could be their one and only chance to garner a second E.U referendum and halt any kind of process of breaking the shackles of Brussels.
Tim Farron seems to see himself as the Robin Hood of the liberal vegan pro migrant squad. Robbing from the rich white Tories and feeding to the poor and defenceless refugees. Though the thought of Farron in tight green tights leaves a lot to be desired.
The Liberal Democrats motto is to build a fair, free and open society, in which they seek to balance the fundamental values of liberty, equality and community, and in which no one shall be enslaved by poverty, ignorance or conformity. So, basically an Islamic multicultural utopia in which unvetted migrants poke their undocumented manhood into any haram hole at given will.
Shame that Mr Farron doesn’t think that highly of homosexuals however. We guess its only equal if its halal?
Ex- PM David Cameron hailed May’s surprise decision to call a general election as the “brave and right” one. Shame he didn’t back the will of the British people when he was at the helm.
Leader of the Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn “welcomed” the snap election as someone welcomes an STD or death.
Maybe death is actually a far more appealing option for Corbyn, considering that Mrs. May is currently in a very strong position in polls, 17 points ahead of Labour.
No other Conservative government in modern times has been this far ahead of the main opposition party in polls 51 days from a general election.
The next biggest was in 1987, when Margaret Thatcher’s government had a poll lead that averaged at 14 points. Maybe it’s time to give up the day job, Jeremy?
Speaking of irrelevant-ness, maybe this will be the final battle in which the ginger Scottish dragon Nicola Sturgeon can finally be slayed?
Save Scotland Theresa before its too late!
In the whirlwind of the general election announcement millennials were urged to ‘’have their voice heard’’ and while many were ready to vote for J.K Rowling for Prime Minster on the ballot box with magic wands in hand, many simply won’t bother.
Probably too busy you know, snapchatting or reading Buzzfeed, perhaps? Speaking of which, with the earth shattering announcement that there would be a UK general election, the Twittersphere was put into a sudden spasm, even sporting a shiny new hashtag #GE2017
Basically anyone with a working thumb entered their social media opinion into the political debate forum, predicting that a Theresa May conservative win would turn the UK into a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Funny that, didn’t they predict mass mayhem and despair after the Brexit vote? Here at Brainstain we are still waiting for an Asteroid impact and quite frankly the underground bunker we invested in seems to have been a complete waste of time.
That’s the last time we will take advice from the Guardian again! Also, we anticipate for the Russians to be blamed for vote manipulation, because you know, when in doubt and you’re not happy with the outcome, always blame the Russians.
So, should we be expecting a nuclear holocaust of epic proportions or will the British public just keep clam and vote? Either way, what you can expect is seven weeks of wall-to-wall politics, opinion polls and Question Time specials, aplenty.
Jeez! With all this end of the world talk can’t we all just vote for Nigel Farage and have a pint and wait for all this to blow over!?
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: Thebiblestudy