Yes, last night was Monday evening, when most of us were taking it easy on “May Day” or “Bank Holiday”, plenty of celebrities turned out for the 2017 annual fundraiser for The Met Gala in New York City for the white carpet event in “Avant Garde” dress, as per the invite, too much later even the more risqué after party outfits that followed it, as the young celebs dashed out to nightspots like 1Oak, The Standard Hotel and The Boom Boom Room (sounds like we’ve been there before at least once), so without further a due, let’s see who was “classy”, “trashy” or just down right “nasty”, shall we? Starting with some of the evening gowns on the so-called white carpet (“ain’t that a bit racialist” – ALI G voice).
Well, first off it’s Kendall Jenner on the far left, the only seemingly normal one from KUWTK’s, who decided to slice it up a bit with a risqué see through black sheen dress, showing off her enviable pins and yet another slice up her upper torso area and cleavage area simultaneously, “not bad” you could say, as she parades in between the lines of trashy and classy, right there!
Next up, in the middle it’s Rihanna aka BadGirlRiri, who admittedly looks like she’s wearing some sort of diseased under water barnacle concoction, in a floral colour, which makes you also question whether these are actually old and disused flip-flops hanging off her dress, doesn’t it? So, is it diseased barnacles on her dress or discarded flip-flops, you be the judge! We’d say that this isn’t classy, trashy or nasty, but just down right “INSANE!”. Well done Riri, we didn’t think anyone would ever dress like this.
Then right there, bang in the middle, we have Cara Del Vigne, who aptly covered her shaved head (for a new film role) with a silver paint, resembling a very cutting edge “Twiggy” look in the hair department, in the futuristic year of 2017. Then with the silver hair, she matched it with a floral silver suit, which looks very befitting for New Years Eve 2017, as well, don’t you think? She might have killed two birds with one stone, with this outfit.
And lastly, we have Bella Hadid, who chose a very “Catwoman” esque full body threaded or knitted one piece in a solid black, which might be better suited for conservative bedroom pre-play action, in the bull pen, rather than on the White Carpet. But, we’ll give her a silver medal here.
Clearly Kendall Jenner at number 1, Bella Hadid 2, Cara Del Vigne comes out a respectable 3rd in silver, and Riri, well, with her leprosy dress, she finishes last! So, what’s and who’s next?!
Well, it’s Kim Kardashian, fresh from a “pain in the ass week” of late, she decided to shun any jewellery in the wake of her robbery in Paris and she bravely wore white, with an ass-hugging dress to bring out those famous curves. We give her two thumbs up here, but surely, with the flip-flops or flats that she’s wearing, maybe she should’ve just attached them to Rihanna’s horrendous dress, like everyone else did. Lose the flats, lady! Not bad though after a tough week for Kim Kardashian, who lost circa 100,000 Instagram followers after everyone found out about her photoshopped butt pictures. Oh well, life goes on!
It’s Katy Perry (Oh, FFS!) it’s really her! So, whats going on here? Well, this red dress looks like it came straight out of the wardrobe of Lady Gaga, so she’ll be pretty pissed off, we’re sure! This reminds us of a mix of that scene in Carrie, where Carrie is slimed with “Pigs Blood” and also sort of how Michael Jackson used to dress his kids, in order to hide their identities as youngsters. Even with her new chopped hairdo, it didn’t help her hide away from this monstrous dress, that presumably only Lady Gaga would be able to identity with. Katy, FFS! What are you wearing, here?!
Now, that wraps up The Gala Event quite nicely, but what about the After Party attire? You know? Where the real action happens and the kittens & cats come out to play on the “Catwalk of Life”, with more skin to bare than a Halloween Party, in pure competition of who is the finest “pussy-cat” on show, so, come we go! Let’s have a look!
Up above, we have Bella Hadid, seen in a swift clothing change here, now she’s donning nipple covers (thumbs up) and accessorizing with some nice bracelets, of course, the whole slip over is see through, over some nice and snug, all be it quite large, black ass-huggers. Not bad, she looks ready to party, indeed. That’s pretty classy for the “Hoe” stakes, which is all the rage at these after-parties, after all, so we give Bella a nice “7 out of 10” for this one. Oh wait, see it from the back as well, with those white tan lines to match the previous carpet, on show here.
Then it’s time for Kendall Jenner again, with a see through golden silk top it seems, with a Cleopatra-esque bra on show with lots of shiny-ness, however, half her skirt is missing on her left side, making you wonder if half of it, really got torn off on the way to the party, by “Islamic Rapists” whom are so prevalent in Sweden and Germany, but perhaps not at the Met Gala after parties. We hope she located the missing half of her skirt in the end.
Now, more Katy Perry arriving for the After Parties in her after party wear, let’s see this now!
Katy Perry looks like the lesbian sister of Padme Amidala from the Star Wars prequels, with an awkward coloured peach sparkly leotard, with an even more awkward pink stocking holder, looking like an odd piece from American Apparel, complete with a ghastly ROSE robe, complete with attached hoodie. We give her a 10 for creativity, but a measly 2 rating overall, for missing the mark with too much going on and surely her friend on the left, really steals her thunder here. Next!
It’s the lovely J.Lo, as always, and we can’t say much about this Latin Bronx goddess, except nice handbag and it’s an interesting trench coat, with shades of my mothers “bed throw” designs, stitched into it, but it’s a nice look and she really upstaged all these young chickens with “class upon” entrance, didn’t she? Only god knows what was on underneath. Wait, more classy women on the way now!
It’s the ever classy and ageless Halle Berry, showing up with a prestigious and wild dress in black, with hints of amber gold touches, and there’s the hint of skin being shown and we like that, everything in moderation and we just have to say, this is “classy”. No need for the Fashion Police here, well done Halle, perfecto! Now, last but by no means least, we have that Brazilian Vixen, Adriana Lima.
Nice heels, we like the artistry on those shoes and she’s gone for the LBD, but with shades of blue, in a sparkly miss-match with snake-skin like straps going diagonally across it and those earrings help out that slicked back hair. This b*tch is ready to party, clearly and you wouldn’t mind being her take-away of evening, would you? She pretty much looks sizzling all over, if Justin Bieber had some, surely there’s even hope for us.
So, all in all, in conclusion, it’s clear that the slightly older women (still young, please do call us, won’t you?) they dress to impress with class, whilst the younger one’s, miss the mark by showing off too much skin in all the wrong places, in all the wrong dresses.
So, that was pretty much expected. Who was your favourite of all the “damsels” on show? Please, tell us in the comments below.
Brainstain, over and out!
<Story by The Narrator>
Featured Photo Credit: Guardian