How An Immigrant Got 4 Jobs In Their First 5 Days In America

LinkedIn, that ‘’professional’’ place that exists on the World Wide Web where young and ambitious Marketing Executives can show off their impressive creative portfolio and boast of all their career achievements, clearly making up for their unfortunate genetic shortcomings and the fact they probably have a small penis and have fewer numbers notched on their bedpost than they have logged on their precious excel spreadsheet in the office.

In short, LinkedIn is that space on the internet occupied by snooty and pretentious glorified administrative assistants, assumingly recent graduates with no experience called Emma or Susanne, posing ever so nicely like butter wouldn’t melt in their mouth while under the guise of their obnoxious sounding job title, probably something as daft sounding like Executive of Creations and Communications when in reality all they do is post a few tweets on the company account and send out a few emails.

LinkedIn, the digital land of ”opportunity” where perverts disguise themselves as Company CEO’s and offer young and unassuming filtered duck faced graduates once in a life time roles based solely on the length of the skirt, not the length of the resume.

Opportunity… that is the key word in this story, a story that was originally posted on the social media site for these supposed ‘’professionals’’.

Our story begins with an immigrant escaping the clutches of a war-torn and deprived country (assumingly) looking to chase the American Dream and seek employment under the red, white and blue flag.

[Cue dramatic violin music]

Media Giphy

Philadelphia Criminal Defence Attorney Mark Copouloswas was queuing and waiting in line for freshly baked Donuts on what was up until that point just a typically mundane lunch break when all of a sudden from the corner of his eye, he spotted a humble and unassuming immigrant talking to the Manager of the store.

‘I walked into Dunkin’ Donuts and an immigrant was there applying for a job. This was her fifth day in America.  She told the manager she could work any hours, except for times she’s scheduled at another Dunkin’ Donuts.  She was hired’ Copouloswas said.

But the unnamed immigrant women’s job hunting didn’t end there, within mere seconds she had secured herself another job in the land of opportunity and Donuts.

‘Incredibly, she then asked the manager for directions to another Dunkin’ Donuts to apply for a third job.  I turned around and offered her a job, which she accepted’ Copouloswas graciously added.

‘Five days on U.S. soil.  Four jobs.  Welcome to America’

The Odyssey Online

This story was posted on Copouloswas’s LinkedIn page, and within days had generated thousands of views and comments, ranging from sheer admiration for the unknown immigrant women’s drive and Copouloswas and his generosity, to sheer uproar and calls to the border police hotline.

While this story could simply be a fictitious liberal fairy-tale (fake news) dreamt up by a struggling Defence Attorney looking to garner publicity for his failing company and ambitions to break the internet on a Kim Kardashian level, what if this remarkable event actually occurred?

Imagine, a fresh off the boat (or Inflatable raft) immigrant bypassing strict security polices, vetting and procedures and quite literally jumping in front of the job seekers queue and cutting in front of native and tax paying American citizens, many who are currently struggling to secure employment thanks to an Obama administration and dark medieval times of yesterday.

While we would applaud the immigrant’s effort and determination and utter perseverance in putting herself out there we can’t help but wonder, how on earth did she get a Social Security card number in such a short period of time?

An undocumented immigrant getting multiple jobs offers before actual American citizens? Is it any wonder why Donald Trump was elected as President of the United States?

We Are Mitú

Upon arriving to the United States of America, we can’t imagine that the majority of immigrants rush to the nearest SS office or immigration office to obtain work visas, SS cards, or green cards as soon as they step foot on American soil.

Which brings us to question of the authenticity of this story? Just how the hell did an immigrant secure multiple roles with a large corporate company like Dunkin’ Donuts without going through a recruitment system?

When applying for jobs, do companies even accept hand to hand CV’s these days? Seemingly we still exist in a pre-internet world where people actually have physical copies of a CV if this story is to be believed.

All applications these days are completed via online methods and come with mandatory background and verification checks which can sometimes take weeks, and that’s not including the actual tedious interview process. Did this apparent superhuman nameless immigrant jump hoops of fire and display great aerobatics in securing herself multiple job offers?

Again, something about this story doesn’t smell right, and we aren’t just talking about the stench of Donuts either lingering in the air.

Hmmmm… Donuts!

Media Tenor

We’re surprised that she didn’t apply for 2 jobs at Starbucks to mix it up a bit while she was at it. Maybe she missed the memo that Starbucks were looking to hire 10,000 immigrants?

We here at Brainstain are not criticizing immigrants, you know the ones who actually speak the native language, respect its cultures and values and contribute to its society. However, we do not have time for illegal Aliens.  You know, those feral humans that come in the thousands and swamp the country they have swept up in (quite literally) and destroy everything in their way, leaving a path of carnage, destruction and sexual assault in their wake.

Decent and law-abiding Immigrants wait in line, receive visas, and take an oath of naturalization at a USCIS office when they become citizens. Claiming Illegal aliens are immigrants is like claiming the burglar who just broke in your house is a welcomed guest.

And nobody likes an illegal burglar right? Or for that matter, an illegal alien serving you Donuts!

Story by Michael Lee

Featured Photo Credit – Pinterest

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