Hot Transfer Talk: What’s Next For Cristiano Ronaldo, Morata & Others?

Guess what? Apart from burning buildings, worldwide terror attacks and the pushing of the effervescent brainwashing from socialist news media networks onto impressionable people, there’s still something less horrible and corrupt to engage in, and that’s our main man Cristiano Ronaldo and the sport of football (or soccer), provided that we overlook the 2010 World Cup, the 2014 World Cup and a planned 48 country (socialist) World Cup, which will hopefully never-ever happen, EVER! Since, celebrating mediocrity isn’t something that we support, EVER! The bread staple of socialism is mediocrity, says Winston Churchill, which is quite British, indeed.

So, there’s no World Cup until next summer in Russia of 2018, but there’s the Confederations Cup tournament happening in Russia right now, just to help you get over all the blues, plus there’s also the Hot & Sexy transfer window currently spread wide open, like a super-wet supermodel that hans’t really been rooted since Paris Fashion week. Splash-tastic and completely unbelievable!

So, let’s get away from all the dangerous news, for a little while, shall we? And let’s get stuck in, like Luis Suarez likes to get his teeth stuck into various defenders. So, you’ll definitely need a rabies shot after all this, that’s for damn sure!

You bet we’ll be covering more of this mess later next year. – Credit: We Global Football

Yes, with Portugal, Mexico, Russia and New Zealand engulfed in a miniature football war, attentions have very much turned to Cristiano Ronaldo, the supreme Galactico of Real Madrid, arguably the world’s greatest footballer, who has in recent days been slapped with an investigation in Spain, just like Neymar Jr. and Lionel Messi for supposed unpaid taxes and tax evasion, but rather than sticking his tail between his legs, like a dog that just shat on the carpet, Ronaldo is a different sort of animal altogether, and he has basically raised his hand with a major (f*ck off) “V” sign (in the spirit of Britishness) to all the authorities in Spain wishing to investigate him. But why? First, let’s not lie, in Spain they love a bit of corruption, don’t they? It’s as Spanish as a gazpacho or a seafood paella, isn’t it?

But, nothing is saying that Cristiano Ronaldo has done anything wrong, but surely the green eyes of envy, may have come for a slice of his earnings, perhaps? His reaction, “I’m leaving!” >> “Too right, mate!”


Don’t mess with the best! This has seen the whole town of Madrid become quite nervous, as “El Rey” of the cities capital, seems to have no qualms about “f*cking off” back to England and Jose Mourinho at Manchester United will no doubt be there, in order to welcome him back with open arms. Talk about a smoking HOT transfer market and window, right about now!

But, surely in a country like Spain, where you have more skeletal building frames, from corrupted and unfinished building projects that were never-ever quite finished, more than you can shake a stick at, that are just standing out on the horizons like blown up buildings, that simply ran out of cash, it should come as no surprise that clever business men, might just be allowed to be smart. But no! In targeting Cristiano Ronaldo, they’ve pretty much pissed him off to no end and hopefully there’ll be a new chapter for Ronaldo once again. So, just go Ronaldo! Just go!

Here’s our main man Cristiano Ronaldo. – Credit: YouTube

You’ve already made Real Madrid the greatest team on the planet again, so it’s time to move again. Come back to Manchester United and join the revolution, we say! The weather might be shit, but you can play in the Theatre of Dreams, again and avoid the Euro currency… Just back the Brexit!

Moving onwards now, since Jose Mourinho has of course caught onto this recent news, and he knows that goalkeeper David De Gea is desperately wanted by Real Madrid, so in a switch deal, it is rumoured that the Red Devils want to line up £183million in pure cash sterling for the services of 32-year-old predator centre forward Cristiano Ronaldo and recently married, 24-year old striker Alvaro Morata, with the £60 million rated David De Gea moving in the other direction. Imagine that! Plus, imagine that Manchester United could even afford to add to that £183 million if they wanted to, so why not? Make it happen! We’ll go out and buy those new shirts for the whole office, even. Can these dreams happen in the Theatre of Dreams, well, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is, as they say, right?

In the days of insane transfer fees, you really do have to shell out to the max, in order to get your way, as if you’re some sort of completely dumb idiot in a London or Manchester nightclub, ordering the most expensive bottles of crystal champagne to attract retired WAG like chickens, with a complete disregard for market value and or the original retail price of such beverages, in order to seal the deal. Since, this is the world of football in 2017, and with Qatari-Arabs across the way, over in Manchester City, but seriously lacking in culture or history, they are willing to do just that, more so than the original team of Manchester, Man United, who will now have to do the same, which is to splash the cash, to get their man. Haha!

Next on our list is Arsenal’s Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. – Credit: Pain in the Arsenal

Another intriguing transfer saga is with the development of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s pursuit of an Arsenal “Brexit”, onto a mystery future destination on the continent perhaps, or just maybe to warm the bench at Manchester City for Pep Guardiola (so nobody else can have him), but there’s also interest believed to be coming from Antonio Conte at Chelsea (a great fit, but would Arsenal sell to Chelsea?) NEVER! 

So, there’s also Liverpool whom are interested in Chamberlain and you know how much Jurgen Klopp loves his nifty creative wingers and he likes to stick all three of them upfront, roaming around the final third like confused toddlers watched by soccer moms, but with Klopp you do get German efficiency included, even though, how the f*ck does he even do it? He’s truly one of a kind in the manager department in that way, by managing to play three wide players in a roaming strikers formation. At Brainstain, we are still baffled and he even wants to add the pace of Mohammed Salah (scouser mop), as well. Talk about a multiple attacking trio in competition for places next season, with a good ol’ Scouser fight very much set up for places, in the ferry across the Mersey, next season, then? Come on then, EH, EH, EH!

We can see the future, as you already know here at Brainstain… So without further a due, here’s Philippe Coutinho (well versed in Scouse by now) telling Benjamin Woodburn to p*ss-off back to the U18 side, only for blonde midfielder Lucas Leiva (another Brazilian Scouser) to step in, with his Liverpudlian perm, telling him to back off the youngster (even though he’s leaving, quite possibly) only for Roberto Firmino (another Brazilian scouser) to pick a fight with his country mate, presumably all because with Oxlade Chamberlain on the radar or most definitely with Mohammed Salah arriving soon, the final third is getting very tense, indeed. Watch!

“Bleemin’ heck, eh?” Jamie Carragher would be proud, not only because of the drinking or the fighting spirit, but clearly because of how well these Brazilian’s have integrated into the Liverpudlian football culture of old, within their authentic accents and all, eh?

NOTE: We did leave Saido Mane out of it, plus Mohammed Salah, for fear of any cultural appropriation-backlash. You know, race and all that, sh*t!

Speaking of annoying and overpaid Sky Sports football pundits, the legend of number 12 (France) or 14 (Gunner), the one digit or three off of the number 11 (all be it), mister Thierry Henry (oui, oui), just recently stated that Kylian Mbappe, isn’t worth £120million, with some ferocious fellow countryman venom directed at the youngster currently contracted to AS Monaco, since he’s perhaps afraid that young Kylian, will one day eclipse his fetes, it seems…..Cue the French jealousy… “Oui-Oui!”

(Break a baguette and toss it at somebody’s face, then!)

Well, Thierry… In this inflated transfer market, that’s a fraction of the price that any club will have to pay. Just ask Football Manager 2017, you total “brie cheese” pundit.

So, there you have it! It’s truly set up like an exciting and expensive cheeseboard of transfer window talent and Pep Guardiola will consider bidding for just about anyone, just so nobody else can have them, so how’s that for the Qatari-backed money mastermind, and the recent realisation of how that Premier League “was just bloody dead’ard, riie?”


Brainstain, over and out!

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