Multimillionaire Simon Cowell Set To Save Humanity With Grenfell Tower Charity Single

Simon Cowell, the music mogul, TV talent show judge, all round god and saviour and multimillionaire estimated to be worth a staggering £325 million with an annual salary estimated at £95 million is gathering all his Syco record label acts and former X-factor acts to record a charity single in the plight of the Grenfell Tower disaster.

Cowell, who has enough money to feed multiple 3rd world countries, adopt every Syrian and Afghanistan orphaned child and build multiple Grenfell Towers across the nation, is asking the ordinary hard-working British tax payer, who earns on average £7.20 on minimum wage to dig deep into their pockets and conscience and splash out on a Cowell produced record to honour the dead and support the survivors of the huge fire which engulfed a west London tower block.

Thirty people have been confirmed dead and many more are missing and unaccountable with the body count set to reach the hundreds.

But don’t worry; the relatives of the recently deceased can hum in comfort to Cowell’s honourable charity single, recently revealed as the poignant 1970s hit Bridge over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel.

Digital Spy

“The song choice is important because it has to be sincere, it has to have the right message, it has to mean something to the people affected. I genuinely believe it will make a difference.” Cowell said during a recent TV interviewing in promoting his humanitarian project.

A song with water in the title dedicated to victims of an engulfed flamed inferno.

Great Marketing guys!

Acts from Cowell’s conveyor belt of manufactured reality TV popstars, including Liam Payne, James Arthur and Louisa Johnson are all set to contribute their unblemished vocals to the track, with Cowell adding an urban element with Rap and Grime artists Stormzy and Skepta, who are also said to have signed up, suggesting that the single could have a rap interlude.

A Simon and Garfunkel classic, with rapping verses? I mean, we got to appeal to those council estate youth’s somehow right? Every little helps.

The Sun

The money raised by the single will go to the families of those lost in the fire as well as victims who lost their homes with the Government confirming that the VAT from the single will be refunded and donated to the charity, as well.

Well, at least the conservatives and the TAX office are feeling generous, which is more than what can be said about online donations website ‘JustGiving’.

JustGiving will take at least £115,000 in fees after an outpouring of charitable donations from concerned members of the British public following the Grenfell Tower tragedy.

The donations, so far totalling £2.3m, broke previous records for the largest one-day sums given via the website.

JustGiving’s fee of 5pc of any money donated – more than twice the fees of some rival donor sites – means it will get a bumper windfall.

And now, Simon Cowell wants you to purchase a hastily produced record to cash in on all the countless other charitable donations from the solicitous and caring people of Britain.

Londonist

Simon previously told British TV show Good Morning Britain: “I hope it will prick a few people’s consciousness and it might spur someone on to do something else”.

Here at Brainstain, we have a much better idea; why not get Ariana Grande involved too? Set up a huge concert extravaganza; get a collection of bona fide virtue signalling popstars to perform, maybe even get Lily Allen to sing a few of her 2005 hits also.

It will be just like Live 8 all over again. Hey, let’s organise special celebrity cameo appearances by J.K Rowling and Gary Lineker while we are at it, too.

Lineker, who is rumoured to be worth an estimated £30 million, could maybe pledge some of his earnings from his advertisement career, masquerading on TV eating Walkers Crisps, or the very least offer a few free bags of Crisps to those who have been left homeless by this disastrous event, don’t you think?

Just as long as it’s not smokey bacon flavour or roast chicken, because let’s admit it, they’re “naff” mate.

Maybe J.K. Rolwing could be a guest speaker and read abstracts from Harry Potter to the grief-stricken families? Many of whom are still missing and presumed dead.

But, don’t worry, all we need is love and magic right? Not accountability, answers and accommodation.

Gurl

I mean, it’s not like these extremely rich and wealthy individuals can’t just quietly and anonymously donate to the victims and their bereaved families without sending their tweets and praying hand emojis and making it about their grief, their thoughts and their public expression intended to demonstrate their good character and moral correctness.

Hell, if they really cared so much, where’s the celebrity outpouring of cash into a big pot for these unfortunate residents. But, virtue signalling is their spiel. Surely, all it would take would be a few of these celebrities to spare, 00.01% of there wealth or less, and the problem would be solved, apart from the grief and the horrors of this tragedy, of course.

In a neighbourhood ranked amongst the most deprived 10% in England, the residents of North Kensington are still grieving, in shock and above all else, angry that this tragedy was ever allowed to occur.

Do we really need a multimillionaire and his celebrity pals to tell us to download a song to make them feel like they’re contributing?

People need Justice and Truth right now. Not another Simon Cowell sob story / emotional ballad / cover record. Britain’s Got Talent has only just finished, haven’t the British public suffered enough?!

 

Story by Michael Lee

Featured Photo Credit – HecklerSpray

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