Mattel Rolls Out New “Modern” Ken Doll Line

It’s the year 2017, you know? Not 1959 anymore, back when Barbie first appeared as a desirable doll, but if you hadn’t already realized by now, inclusivity across the board should really be embraced naturally in 2017, so this importance should also be reflected in the world’s most famous fashion doll and her main man, Ken. So, let’s get into this!

This is a good thing and in the process Mattel have seemingly unearthed lots of stereotypical outfits, all in the name of political correctness. In essence, we can recall back when many kids marvelled at Barbie’s naked big knockers, whilst parents jokingly suggested that boys interested in Barbie dolls, might have grown up to be effeminate in some way. Well, it could’ve have been either way, but in essence both Barbie and Ken were always without private parts, so cis-gender (aliens) at heart, as well, so today the timing is definitely right for body conscious Barbie’s and to also sprinkle a little rainbow dust across all the emerging dolls, especially for Ken and friends, since it is important that not all the dolls look the same.

Some cool new Ken’s, but perhaps lacking in the masculinity department, perhaps? Maybe, they need the bearded hipster, too? Or maybe not… Credit: Abc7

How else could you throw a bangin’ pool party, right? You can’t have a bunch of Barbie and Ken clones, can you? That would be very boring. Bring on the interracial love, since we really love it! Step aside boring Barbie and boring Ken, it’s time to be real. However, we couldn’t help but analyse these new Ken dolls, with a slice of satire. Something we do quite well, one might say. Come we go and let’s check out these stereotypes of 2017, shall we? But first, let’s get some delirious reaction in the progress department of the Mattel doll market.

Thanks Danny, we wonder if he might have been a blind Hillary voter or something? You can buy some of the Fashionista dolls right here, Danny. We do love it too, but our excitement doesn’t quite match up to yours, but here’s more Ken dolls that you can order right to your doorstep (high-five!). And, here’s another one, for ya’.

Yes, fifteen new looks are now available for the Ken doll, with different skin tones, body shapes and hairstyles. Barbie had a makeover to its range over a year ago. Ken is now available in slim, broad and original.

Lisa McKnight from Mattel, said “We are redefining what a Barbie or Ken doll looks like to this generation”, as Mattel look to re-inject life into the falling sales of the doll range, since kids these days prefer things like video games and iPads instead. Let’s dissect these new dolls.

Credit: Huff Post

On the left there, we have your stereotypical corn-rowed-cutting edge slick office dude, who’ll most definitely make moves on your girlfriend (without fail) so watch out Ken! Next to him, is the original looking Ken type, fit with boat shoes and shorts, who wouldn’t necessarily look out of place in a Simon Cowell boy band, to be fair. Then in the middle, there’s your stereotypical Tech employee or Hipster barista, or even your typical Buzzfeed reader, on his day-off, found across the United States of America, especially in San Francisco and New York City. Doesn’t he just look so familiar in that plaid shirt and specs? We’re sure that this doll also harbours Marxist ideologies, so bare that in mind before giving it to your child, since you don’t want that kind of sh*t in your son or daughter’s life, right? So, maybe there’s another doll that’s better suited, for your kid. Finally on the right side, we have a very stereotypical looking man princess, fit with overwashed jeans that haven’t been in style since 2005, complete with some cool sneakers and a pink, orange and white singlet. If that’s you, then that’s definitely your doll. But wait, there’s more.

Credit: Huff Post

On the left, we have another nice Ken doll, this is the type of guy you’d definitely want to go grab an ice cream with, or even a buddy you could go to the movies with, and just do normal stuff like catch a beer, talk about sports, music and current affairs. A nice friend to have. Then in the middle, we have a stereotypical douche bag, that’s very much in the closet, as is evidenced by his white shorts and questionable vest top. These types of people can usually be found in sunny holiday destination hot-spots, like Miami, or wherever else, dancing with blind women on the dance floor, however, they usually dance more effeminately than the women do and immediately you wonder when and if ever, this type of guy will ever come out of the closet. It’s good that Mattel have included this guy, as well, as it wouldn’t be fair without him, would it?

Lastly, on the right side, we have another stereotypical hipster, complete with a man-bun. His dress sense is about as kosher as chocolate on a pizza, with boot looking shoes matched with denim short shorts and a drug inspired T-shirt. You could probably find this sort of guy on a holiday island, spewing ridiculous rhetoric about saving the planet and green house gases, whilst tearing off in a modified motorbike that needs a serious tune-up, because it’s spitting out black fumes into the atmosphere, like no other motorbike that’s ever been seen before.

So, there you have it! All these new dolls are surely great, but let’s just hope that it doesn’t drive more people into becoming like Rodrigo Alves, totally hell-bent on looking like a Ken doll, no matter what race, colour or shape that you are.

Rodrigo Alves, the self-professed human Ken doll. Credit: Mirror

Mattel have it all now, and this will make parents, kids and everyone feel like “one” again. So, there’s some good news for ya’!

Brainstain, over and out!

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Buy another Ken doll here!

Featured Photo Credit: Mattel/Huffington Post

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