Sh*t Coffee Served At Starbucks, Caffe Nero, and Costa

Hey everyone, sending you a belated “good morning” to all of you out there in the world. We have one question for ya’? Who loves good coffee? We think most people would prefer actual good coffee that wasn’t all “sh*tty”, right? So, when you decide to leave the house or office for a cup of coffee, some of us have learnt to avoid those big franchise chains by now, haven’t we? Opting instead for your local and independent coffee shop, who brew their coffee with panache and skill, rather than the conveyor belt coffee that you get at Starbucks. Fair Trade, indeed, as a coffee everyday will set you back in the annual money stakes, won’t it? So, at least you’d like good coffee for that money and not sh*t coffee, correct?

And now in Summer, many people do choose that ice coffee as opposed to the hot version, because you want your morning or lunch break caffeine in a very icy style, don’t you? Okay then, but we’ve got some bad news for you, apart from your hot coffee’s from Starbucks, Caffe Nero and Costa, whom are also experts in making your hot coffee taste like burnt hot water, as opposed to any likeness to the flavour of a natural coffee bean taste, plus apparently, now fecal matter has been found in the ice of Starbucks, Caffe Nero, and Costa Coffee. So, what do you think about that?

Pretty sh*t, right? How did this happen, one could ask? Well, the BBC 1 Series ‘Watchdog’ in the United Kingdom went out of their way and tested hygiene and health standards across numerous coffee shops and they found traces of fecal matter inside the ice, which the chains use in their lovely beverages.

Credit: GettyImages

What did Watchdog uncover then? But, first for that brief science bit, since sh*t isn’t rocket science, is it?

It is what it is! 

Fecal coliforms contain disease spreading bacteria and they were found to be present in 7 out of 10 samples from Costa Coffee. Thankfully, we had already concluded that Costa was sh*t, a very long time ago, but don’t let that stop you from buying beverages there, if you so wish.

Whilst, at Caffe Nero there were only 3 out of 10 samples, which contained fecal matter. Result! So, perhaps one of their ice beverages is 40% less sh*tty than Costa Coffee, then? We’d probably agree with that blunt statement, as there’s plenty less of them around and therefore, it be instantaneously better, but does that mean that we will go grab a drink from there today? Nope. How about next week? Nah, thanks.

How about Starbucks then? Famous for their Frappuccino’s and other icy concoctions, well, their ice tests proved to match that of Caffe Nero, with 3 out of 10 contaminated ice samples, with fecal matter.

Mr. Tony Lewis from The Chartered Institute of Environmental Health told Watchdog, ‘The level of contamination of fecal bacteria concerns me a great deal. The bacteria found are opportunistic pathogens – the source of human disease. These should not be present at any level – never mind the significant numbers found.”

Don’t be alarmed, but it’s possible you’ve been drinking sh*t with your coffee. – Credit: Merchant House

Sh*t happens, but surely not in your drinks, eh? Well, that’s the bad news, since it’s there, if you buy an ice coffee, that is.

These franchise coffee brands are now conducting rigorous investigations as to how this “sh*t hath hit the fan” phenomenon, so to speak, even occurred.

And, Watchdog also tested out the hygiene levels of tables, trays and all around these coffee shops, mainly in Salford, Manchester, but expect this sort of thing to happen anywhere where an employee goes to the restroom and doesn’t even wash their hands afterwards.

And, just think that Starbucks wanted to hire 10,000 Syrian refugees to make their cups of Joe. Imagine that, out those 10,000, how many wouldn’t be used to washing their hands after they used the toilet? Probably quite a few of them, but you can never be too sure. So, in essence with Donald Trump’s crackdown with a travel ban and also to that of refugee migrants not gaining entry into the United States, your drink might at Starbuck’s may also now be a whole l0t cleaner, as well. Bless President Trump, who we know does like a cup of coffee from time to time, right? He even makes coffee better and more wholesome by default, not to be confused with the now popular term “Covfefe”, though.

It’s not really that surprising that these two have a special relationship. – Credit: HuffPost

Starbucks said, “We have moved quickly to conduct our own investigation into the claims about the stores. All employees nationwide have received updated training on our high standards of hygiene including ice handling.”

Then Costa said, “We were disappointed with the findings, especially as these stores are all rated ‘very good’ with a the top hygiene rating of five. Following these results we took immediate action to review our food safety procedures and have updated our ice-handling guidelines and are in the process of introducing new ice equipment storage across our estate.”

A spokesman for Caffe Nero said,  “A thorough investigation is now under way and the appropriate action will be taken. Ninety nine per cent of our stores are rated as very good, good or satisfactory by their local EHO (environmental health officer) – making us one of the most highly rated businesses on the high street” he told Watchdog.

You can now watch the first episode of the new Watchdog programme on BBC One tonight at 8pm. So, cheers to non-sh*t drinks everyone!

Please drink responsibly and remember friends don’t let friends drink sh*t. So, spread the word!


Brainstain, over and out!

<Story by The Narrator> 

Why not buy your own Coffee Machine? Right here!

Make your own Ice Coffee with a Bosch Blender, no sh*t!

Featured Photo Credit: FunkYou

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