Cristiano Ronaldo, is fresh off his exit from the Confederations Cup tournament in Russia, after Portugal lost to Chile in a dramatic penalty shoot-out the other night, which saw Claudio Bravo, the much ridiculed goalkeeper of Manchester City, save three penalties to send Portugal packing from the tournament in the Semi-Final stage. Well, for Cristiano Ronaldo it’s not all bad news as this meant he could reveal two new additions to the Ronaldo clan, and surprisingly the twins born did not include a girl, as was first rumoured, but it was actually two boys instead. So, even he might be able to forget that he was selected as the fifth and final penalty taker, which meant he didn’t even get to take one. Fire Portugal’s Manager, asap!
So it’s two boys for Ronaldo and would we expect anything less from the greatest footballer in the world? No, we wouldn’t, and it was surprising to hear media rumours of him having a boy and a girl in the first place, because let’s think about it for a minute, shall we?
If it were a loving family conveyor belt of mini-Ronaldo’s being made for prospective football purposes as well, then surely a mini Cristiana Ronaldo, wouldn’t really be ensured to be a football fanatic or even end up on football pitch someday, right? Perhaps, he’s saving that daughter for later.
Just wait, Ronaldo isn’t stupid and his passion is ultimately football and being a father, so like a football tactician, we’d understand his hopes for his children to share that same passion for the beautiful game.
Since, let’s face it, horse riding and little ponies isn’t Ronaldo’s sport, it’s football, so with that, he brings us his twin sons born to yet another mysterious and still unidentified, surrogate mother. She should be so lucky and Mr. Ronaldo is a loyal so and so. So, any questions?
The names of the boys are still pretty much shrouded in mystery. We’d like to suggest the names of CR1 & CR2, just because, you’d have a goalkeeper then and also a right back, wouldn’t you? Then, the ex-teammate of Ronaldo at the Red Devils (you know?) Gary Neville would be so proud and he might even give Ronaldo a shout out on Sky Sports next season, just to eclipse Jamie Carragher once again. That rivalry is something to behold isn’t it? And, we truly support Gary on that, as long as Jamie Carragher tones down his scouser accent, as by now Sky Sports should really send out mandatory ear plugs with their Sky Sports subscriptions, shouldn’t they? All Jamie Carragher ever saw of Ronaldo was the back of his heels, after Ronaldo skinned him (football slang), over and over again. How many nutmegs and feints, did you ever fall for Jamie? Don’t worry Thierry is still a more irritating pundit than you are. Amazin’, eh? Oui, Oui!
So, in terms of Ronaldo’s carefully chosen births, would Cristiano have it any other way, then having his kids delivered via the stork? Nope, so a cleverly ruthless man, perhaps? Or is he simply ensuring his legacy? Only Ronaldo knows, but we have an inkling of his motivations in doing so, since we strongly believe that he is doing just that, to ensure his ever-growing fleet of future footballers. Any football mad dad, just like Ronaldo, his next life’s work will be to produce at least one other Cristiano Ronaldo footballer and rightly so. We feel ya’, El Rey!
Now, firstly his new relationship with girlfriend Georgina Rodrgiuez, 22, was initially thought to be dubious amidst rife rumours that Cristiano Ronaldo might be gay. However, Georgina is now reportedly five months pregnant with Cristiano’s baby, so that might go some way to kill off those gay rumours, which sprung up earlier this year amidst an on pitch bust up with rival Ateltico Madrid midfielder Koke. who called Ronaldo a “Maricon” aka Gay on the football pitch, to which Ronaldo replied, “Yes, but a rich one” and this was all reportedly overheard by a newspaper in the changing rooms after the game, as the argument had spilled in through the tunnel.
But, we’ve played football with Spaniards and the favourite word when “push comes to shove”, is calling someone a “Maricon” aka straight translation is a “faggot” (horrible word), so very politically incorrect indeed, but that’s how they get down with trash talk in football down in Spain.
Si si! The Spanish don’t mince words when playing football and that word is thrown around more than the ball is, all game long. So, if you’re offended at being called a “Maricon” aka a “faggot”, then we’d suggest that you get a pack of tissues and don’t play football in Spain.
Anyway, after that “Maricon” bust-up, his relationship with Georgina Rodriguez sprung up out of nowhere, into the public consciousness. So, could this baby that is now due in four months, be the girl that all the people have been waiting for? Only time will tell, if there will still be a little Cristiana to add to the Ronaldo family clan. We suspect it is, remember that Ronaldo is very much like a football tactician.
Regardless Cristianinho, 7, Ronaldo’s first-born son, born to another mysterious surrogate mother, now has two twin brothers to play with on the soccer pitch in his backyard, in the coming years. And, that’s all that really matters, correct?
So, could Cristiano Ronaldo truly beat Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s attempt at accumulating an 11-a-side soccer team full of kids? Unfortunately, the Brangelina soccer team never came to be, but it would have been something, eh?
Well, about those false Ronaldo gay rumours, perhaps, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian would like to come out, step in now and dish some commentary, on his true prowess beyond the flanks and directly inside the box? Or not? See what we did there?
Let’s put it this way, anybody that’s rich, good looking and extremely successful will always have numerous false rumours circulating around them, plus they will always garner the jealousy and envy of lesser men. Case closed! Get off of Ronaldo’s back everyone, you bunch of haters.
It remains to be seen what Cristiano Ronaldo decides to do amidst the Spanish government’s insistence that he has avoided tax accumulating to a total £12.9million for supposed untaxed image rights profits. Well, we send a message to Cristiano Ronaldo now and that’s just leave Real Madrid, since the Spanish have been rude enough as it is, right? Case closed! We hope to see you back in Manchester or anywhere else very soon.
Cristiano Ronaldo will still partake in a third place game against Mexico in the Confederations Cup, but we wonder if he will actually play in that match, given that he might be busy with his newly born twins. Only after the tournament will he also address if he might transfer out of Real Madrid.
If you hadn’t already noticed, at Brainstain, we celebrate and praise righteous icons, the greats and their life’s paths. We smell out the fake from the real and act accordingly. So, CR7 is a legend and he will go down as the greatest football player in all of history. Mark our words!
So, will Manchester City now start bidding on these little CR7 babies, already? You just never know, with Pep Guardiola at the helm and all that Qatari cash to back it! There’s only one side in Manchester, right Jose?
Brainstain, over and out!
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Featured Photo Credit: Daily Mail