Jose Mourinho Hijacks Romelu Lukaku From Under Chelsea’s Nose

Just when you thought the summer transfer window was stagnant, with both Jose Mourinho of Manchester United and Antonio Conte of Chelsea, complaining about a lack of transfer activity at their respective clubs, then all of a sudden Paul Pogba is seen holidaying with fellow friend and French speaker, striker Romelu Lukaku (Belgium) in Los Angeles, then the news of a bumper £75 million deal with Everton is announced under the nose of the sometimes very sheepish Italian, Antonio Conte.

Major meltdown is already in effect at Chelsea. Credit: Mirror

So, it definitely looks like last seasons Premier League Champions – Chelsea have lost their man, a centre piece to Antonio’s plans for the forthcoming season, so much so, that he had already texted Diego Costa in the summer, saying that he wouldn’t be needing his services next season. Long nose to Antonio Conte then, since the Red Devils have swooped in and the “special one” Jose Mourinho has flexed his Manchester United bank balance, to lure Lukaku to Manchester United. Success!

Came in 1st place on that one. Credit: DailyMail

How did this happen? Well, why would Lukaku like to return to Chelsea, with Manchester United promising him a much better opportunity with a manager that he already knows well? Exactly, so it’s sort of joyous to see Chelsea in a panic about losing out on Romelu when they were overconfident that the deal was already in the bag.

Reportedly, the board at Everton are still upset with Chelsea over the John Stones transfer saga from two years ago, plus Jose Mourinho has promised Ronald Koeman within the deal, that they will waiver the £10 million price tag on Wayne Rooney and essentially give him to Everton for nothing. So, Rooney will return to finish his career at his boyhood club and Lukaku will rejoin Jose Mourinho just in time, before Manchester United’s tour of the United States.

Rooney is now off to Everton, the only place he said he would go. That worked out nicely. Credit: Daily Mail

Paul Pogba has already been holidaying in Los Angeles and Romelu Lukaku as well, so naturally now Lukaku will stay there and undergo his medical in the City of Angels, whilst, signing up for Manchester United, aka the Red Devils. Sounds like a folklore fairytale and a play on words, but if you’d choose to be a Red Devil or a Blue Lion, what would you choose? The red devil is tempting for the right price, right?

Well, Romelu Lukaku has chosen the Red Devils and this will surely send Antonio Conte into a hissy fit, whilst, Pep Guardiola will soon realise that he needs to break out the big bank roll once again, just to keep up, since there’s a mini-revolution happening across the street at United. (Applause!)

Two Red Devils on a Red Bentley in Los Angeles, Pogba and Lukaku, doing Death Row Records style. Credit: RomeluLukaku/IG

So, Lukaku will be a Red Devil and if the glove fits, then wear it, as they say, but no offence or any relation to the O.J. Simpson case though, that also went down in Los Angeles, as will Romelu Lukaku’s medical clearance test in his conclusion of signing to Manchester United. Seal that deal!

And, Everton manager Ronald Koeman is said to be furious that Lukaku didn’t fly all the way back to England to report for pre-season training with Everton yesterday. But, you see Lukaku is gangster like that.

Come on Ronald! Don’t be such a McDonald! Wayne Rooney will arrive soon, so chill…

Paul Pogba no doubt played his part in convincing Lukaku to take up centre stage at the Theatre of Dreams, but when you put it like that, who would want to play at Stamford Bridge? History of excellence and football culture dates back decades upon decades to United, plus the magic still remains at Old Trafford and with Manchester United still.

Two Angels in white, sort of like Manchester’s Away Strip, in a Bad Boy Records style dress in Los Angeles. Credit: PaulPogba/IG

This will surely go down as one of the most memorable swift transfer hijacks in all of football history and it could prove to be pivotal for the future of English Premier League dominance since Jose Mourinho is making his team of champions at the Theatre of Dreams. Sorry Chelsea.

But now in retaliation, Antonio Conte won’t let Nemanja Matic sign for Manchester United, but so what? There’s plenty of other options in the anchor midfield role, but currently there’s only one Romelu Lukaku.

Finally, what remains to be seen at United is whether Zlatan Ibrahimovic will still figure in Jose Mourinho’s plans when he’s back to full fitness in 2018, remaining off the pay roll at United right now, as he is in effect a free agent, so it would be nice for Mourinho to perhaps give Zlatan the chance to come back and go on a rolling month to month (lower pay deal) next year rather than him signing up for LA Galaxy, so soon? Just a thought.

Zlatan ensured a good season at Manchester United 2016/2017, winning three trophies. Loyalty is king! Credit: Sky Sports

Give Zlatan a last roll of the dice, as we’re sure he would like that and it would also serve the squad at United well in having him around, perhaps? Plus, it would also show Jose Mourinho to be the loyal man that we all know that he is, but all in all, it will rest with him and also with Zlatan, as well.

Oh! We almost forgot, Antonio Conte is now hunting down Alvaro Morata, the ex-Manchester United target, in a clear move of desperation. This has really been a funny story in the world of football.

Manchester United fly into Los Angeles this weekend and start their tour of America on Sunday. So, will this Lukaku deal now be sealed up in time for the tour? Let’s wait and see, shall we?

So, there’s your fill of the best football news of the whole summer.

Brainstain, over and out!

<Story by The Narrator>

Order the New Manchester United Kit from 17/18 before slapping Lukaku on the back of it!

Featured Photo Credit: Sky Sports

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