Happy Birthday to Jen Selter!

Today is August 8th, which marks the day in the year of 70 AD when the Romans destroyed the Tower of Antonia in Jerusalem, but fast forward to 1993, and it was the day that the quintessential “American Pie” Jen Selter was born in Roslyn Heights, Long Island, New York. A truly historic day indeed, so we thought we would extend our thanks and wish Jen Selter a very Happy Birthday on this fine “Phat” Tuesday. The “P-H” is emphasised quite aptly, seeing as she’s amassed 11.4 million followers on everyone’s favourite photo app, Instagram. That’s probably more followers than Jesus had in his very early years, not to mention there’s definitely something holy that Jen does as a fitness model and Internet celebrity that has struck a gigantic chord with the public eye. We can’t put our finger on it, so perhaps you can help us find out just what makes her so damn popular?

Nah just kidding, but for real, we wish a very happy 24th birthday to you, Jen! We don’t often wish everyone a happy birthday on the back of Instagram work, but there’s a first for pretty much everything. You luck people reading this article are definitely in for a “Tuesday Treat” indeed. Now, let’s examine just how she’s taken the word of social media by storm, shall we?

Cat eyes, check! IG: Jen Selter

She’s about as American as Apple Pie and she’d give the Slovakian exchange student Nadia more than a run for her money, so that’s a good indicator to start off with, but she doesn’t only have mesmerising green eyes, Oh no, there’s much more to her, believe us…

Proudly on the 4th of July. IG: Jen Selter

Never one to be afraid of getting her feet wet, she displays her patriotism here standing on the beach, somewhere on the East Coast, we presume, maybe the Hamptons or something?

Fancy a dip? IG: Jen Selter

From the beach to the swimming pool ladder now, feet dipped inside, strike a pose and the rest is history, as they say. Is there anything that she can’t do?

Ice lollies for one? IG: Jen Selter

Now in this blistering summer heat, all you can think about is Icy’s and Ice lollies, and it’s clear that things are slowly beginning to heat up, right about now…

You haven’t lived unless, you’ve ridden a Flamingo. IG: Jen Selter

Now some people prefer the Unicorn, but not Jen. She chooses the Flamingo every time, and who can blame her? She looks stunning on top of one, doesn’t she?

Or even donuts? Suddenly, now you crave donuts. IG: Jen Selter

Who doesn’t like donuts? Whether they’re Dunkin, Krispy Creams, or just your standard loaf baked up into a ring with a bit of jam inside, that’s pretty much what it is, and Jen makes a hard sale for the baked goods right here! Just perfect!

Just when you thought…. IG: Jen Selter

That you wouldn’t see her face again, she flips it 180 degrees and shows you just what you’ve been missing, topping off with a cute cap to round off the look. Let’s just say that most people wouldn’t say no to being stranded on a deserted tropical island with Ms. Jen Selter, eh?

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. IG: Jen Selter

Yes, nothing says fresh like a shower to wash away all that sand. Cleanliness is also next to holiness after all. Although, we’re starting to see somewhat of a trend in her photos, though we can’t quite figure out what it is…

Mirror selfie, check! IG: Jen Selter

Not the one to be outdone by a mirror selfie, she takes one and 11.4 million people pay attention as she rounds it off with a sweet candy cane flavoured bikini. It’s clear that this lady definitely hits the gym, right?

Hello, is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your ____ IG: Jen Selter

Nothing says tropical holiday like appearing in a lingerie-esque swimsuit inside a bungalow, inside the actual tropics somewhere, right? She ticked that off her list.

What does that look entail? IG: Jen Selter

The colours Maroon and Burgundy never went out of style. Well… maybe not for Maroon 5 and Ron Burgundy, but ah well. Here’s Jen bringing that infamous colour back into our hearts once again.

No TV? No problem! Just do what Jen does. IG: Jen Selter

It’s a shame when you don’t have any TV channels, right? Never fear! Jen does the next best thing: she pretends, whilst wearing a rainbow coloured fishnet body stocking. Perhaps she has something else in mind apart from just a night of TV, hmmm?

Is this cave safe? IG: Jen Selter

When you’re going to swim inside a cave, be sure to do what Jen does, and wear something white. You’ll be easier to spot even if the water is see through and lit up in blue. You never know what may lurk beneath…

Time for bed or is it coffee in the morning? IG: Jen Selter

Yes, when she’s not pool side or in the ocean, catch Jen leaning up against chairs dressed in white against a sky blue backdrop to give off an air of heavenly energy for all the people to take in. A welcome break from the pool is in order.

Throw your hair back, and brush it through. IG: Jen Selter

This water doesn’t look safe to swim in, does it? Better to just pose in front of it, throw your hair back, and wait for a better time to immerse yourself into the deep.

As far as the eye can see. IG: Jen Selter

Nothing says “winning” more than emerging from a horizon infinity pool, looking totally sun-kissed with skin lathered by pool water, looking out into the distance for something interesting to look at. It’s clear that Jen is winning here, isn’t she? We’ve been seeing a lot from the back, but…

She can do both, see? IG: Jen Selter

You know what they say, get one that can do both, and just like that, she does it. Face, check! A cheeky look in the background, check! That about rounds it off quite nicely, wouldn’t you say?

Happy Birthday Jen and we very much enjoy your photos. Keep up the good work, making people across the world happier by the day.

Brainstain, over and out!

<Story by The Narrator>

Featured Photo Credit: WallsDesk.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.