9 Reasons Why Right Wing Men Make Better Boyfriends

Politics is personal, after all – you are what you believe. Your views are usually shaped by your outlook and values. This is quite apparent when choosing who to spend considerable amount of time with i.e. – that special somebody to potentially spend the rest of your existence huddled on the sofa with while watching re-runs of Margret Thatcher documentaries.

Well, that’s how a typically conservative couple would spend their Saturday evenings right!?

So when it comes to politics and dating, is it really that important in a relationship for both participants to vote the same way?

The general view is that dating someone with different political opinions would just lead to arguments, resentment and a potential death.

But when it comes to dating, let’s face it, right men are gentlemen, they have class, standards and morals and possess the right amount of elegance and grandeur to woo any potential tory bachelorette (or gay tory bachelor for that matter too) plus, they open doors, put their coats on puddles and will stand up to a group of unruly illegal migrant men just so you will be safe from harm and from potential non-consensual penetration.

That’s called rape in the western world just in case you were unaware.

So with all the sophistication and poise of a Donald Trump rally, here are 9 Reasons Why Right Wing Men make better boyfriends than their left-wing male equivalent.

1 – Right wing men are happier people.

Right wing men tend to be a lot more secure not only with themselves but also with their political views and are not ones to react in perpetual outrage when a democratic vote does not go their way, because of the current social and political climate of Brexit, Trump and the recent UK general election, right-wing men are very, very happy men indeed. You wouldn’t catch right-wing men out late at night at some pro-immigration / anti-Brexit march all the while angrily shouting an array of profanity and chants that rhyme with f*ck and Theresa May, would you?


2 – Right wing men are more handsome.

Traditional beauty is traditional because it endures through generations and when it comes to looks, right-wing men are very traditional. Compared to the rainbow coloured hair and hipster untrimmed facial scurf of Labour male voters, right-wing men need not worry when it comes to competition in the looks department. Is it pure coincidence that male Labour voters for instance have humongous beards? Is it a left-wing fad to spout scruffy untamed facial hair like their hero and saviour Jeremy Corbyn? Some of the women could also do with a bit of a trim while we are on the subject of untamed facial hair too (shudder).


3 – Right wing men are more accepting and understanding.

Liberals are very intolerant when it comes to acceptance of other people’s views or beliefs that differ from their own. Who wants to date someone who is more likely to pour acid on your face when you are sleeping just because you casually said that Theresa May is doing a fine and dandy job as UK Prime Minster. Right wing men on the other hand are more likely to accept your differing opinion, in fact, even if you are a member of notorious far left terrorist organisation Antifa, your endearing and lovely right-wing boyfriend is more likely to make you a nice cuppa tea after a hard day of smashing private property and threatening violent racist behaviour against middle class white people.


4 – Right wing men have morals.

It’s a fact of life that right wingers have far superior morals compared to their inbred left-wing offspring. When it comes to sex and affection, the concept of two people engaging in sexual intercourse (yes, that’s two people, right-wing men do not endorse threesomes or sleazy group activity) is a mutual and consensual pact of love and emotion between two individuals sharing their bodies and emotion with one another. Sex is special; it is sacred pact between two passionate lovers and not just a quick thumb to the right on Tinder or Grindr.


5 – Right wing men are actual bona fide men

In a world where men are more likely to appear as a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race and where women have more testosterone than a post-op Afghanistan disabled transsexual, thank god (and praise Allah) for REAL right wing men. I mean, it’s getting all rather confusing in a society where Facebook have over 70 gender options for you to choose from. It’s all well and good if the prospect of dating a  poly-gender non binary that identifies as a one-eyed unicorn gets your romantic juices racing. However, if you date a right-wing man, you at least know what you are getting, an actual bona fide man with a penis, not a penis that has been artificially constructed by a back alley Surgeon in Pakistan.


6 – Right wing men are better in bed.

Right wing men value the concept of commitment and intimacy and are usually found blissfully engaged in loving and meaningful long-term relationships. To left-wing men, sex is merely a casual physical act between two primitive beings in the bus stop behind the local Mosque. Whereas for those right-wing men in your life, making love is an art form and a delicate process in which emotions are shared and vows are realised.


7 – Right wing men value commitment.

In a dating world of ghosting, bread-crumbing and good old-fashioned adultery, right-wing men are less likely to cheat on you. In fact, studies show that liberalism is merely just an excuse to sleep around and act like a complete and utter slut, whereas right wing men with more traditional values are more likely to be found in long-term and harmonious monogamous relationships.


8 – Right wing men won’t give you a sexual transmitted disease.

Being raised up with traditional values and conservative views when it comes to sexual intercourse certainly has its perks, health and sexual wellbeing and knowing how to insert a condom is one of them. In fact, you are more likely to catch a sexually transmitted disease or Ebola from a left-wing man, where as the only thing you will be catching from a right-wing men, is your breath when he asks you to marry him.


9 – Right wing men are real men.

Masculinity is not something to be sneered at, in fact, it should be embraced. Right wing men embrace their alpha male status and relinquish and bask in all their manliness. In fact, men who are strong are more likely to take a right-wing political and social stance, while weaker men support the likes of Angela Merkel and open borders, researchers claim. Their study discovered a link between a man’s upper-body strength and their political views. One look at the scrawny frame of Obama compared to the towering and intimidating frame of Trump indicates the dominance and superiority of right-wing men and actually shows this study to be accurate. Plus, have you seen the size of Donald Trump’s hands!?


Right wing men will love you unconditionally, regardless if you are a raging bunny boiling psychopathic feminist with blue hair. Let us know in the comments section if you are still looking for love, maybe Brainstain will be the digital matchmaker in which true love is blossomed, and remember, regardless of your Facebook relationship status… there is plenty more right-wing fish left in the post Brexit regulated sea (expect flimsy boats decked with illegal migrants, you won’t find them anywhere once the UK officially leaves the E.U by the end of March 2019)

Story By Michael Lee

Featured Photo Credit: Redahlia

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