If you ask most people if they would prefer a swift fumble or a quick trip on the Piccadilly line, you would assume that a f*ck with the latest swipe of the finger would be on top of the daily agenda rather than tapping that Oyster Card.
Well, according to a recent poll of 3000 Londoners, short commutes on public transport came out on top. Yes… Really! To be honest, problematic commutes unplagued by snow, mandatory delays or irritating people smelling of last weeks curry is enough to make any weary London commuter suicidal, but to say that a stress-free journey is more satisfying than a shag? Surely, this now truly communicates the unbundled pleasures of living in the Big Smoke.
Maybe it’s the seducing smell of lingering sweaty body odour or those sexy bare elbows that we try to avoid on our morning commutes that really turns us on, or perhaps it’s the prospect of a quick and convenient ride during non-rush hour peak times, which take us from A to B without so much as breaking a sweat whilst sipping on an over priced calorific Frappuccino that gives us the ultimate climax?
Publication ‘Time Out’ surveyed Londoners about what made them the happiest, with nearly 87% reporting they had felt happy in the last 24 hours. The number jumped by more than 2% among people who had recently had sex – but the increase was even more substantial for those with a commute of only 15 to 30 minutes.
With the average London commute being roughly around 30 mins to an hour, we wonder how long it was for those that were surveyed in the sack last? Probably it wouldn’t last long if they fall into the category of soy drinking vegan’s who are seemingly growing by the thousands every year, consequently turning into a phenomenon of epidemic proportions in the increase of waning masculinity.
The survey also discovered that Londoners are happiest when being in a new relationship, making a new friend, volunteering, exercising, earning more than £40,000 a year, and going down to the pub to squander all of that hard-earned money on booze and alcohol poisoning.
The poll also found London to be the most stressful capital city to live in, what with the rapid increase in knife crime, burglaries and our metropolitan city becoming the central acid attack destination of Europe. So much for wanting to go out in London these days… But hey, that’s all part and parcel of living in a big city, right Sadiq Khan?!
Eating lunch at your desk, checking emails, going on social media, not sleeping enough, earning less than £20,000 a year, and smoking also contributed to increased stress levels, but at least riding on the Victoria Line will make us a little bit happier inside.
Now, where did we put the lube?
Since a growing number of people already feel f*cked…
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: Youtube