The Left-Wing Guide To Surviving a Nazi Zombie Apocalypse

In 2018, during these times of political unrest and social turmoil, it seems you can’t walk down the street or venture through your local friendly multicultural neighbourhood / deserted Jewish cemetery without potentially bumping into a Nazi Zombie. “They’re coming to get you Barbara’’ or whatever non-gender-conforming name / pronoun you identity with today. 

We know that it’s inevitable at one point in our lives we will have to pick up a shovel, or EU flag pole, and have to deal with their totally sexist brain eating tendencies. Nazi Zombies are not just digitalized pixelated video game sprites on Call of Duty, they are real, like… really f@cking real!

michael jackson dancing GIF


They smell the scent of your brains, and the stench of your fear, and your left wing political tendencies lingering off your sweating pores, and they are totally coming for your virtue signalling hysteria. Eeek!

Not all zombies were born limping decaying mounds of flesh however. They might have been happy-go-lucky Corbynistas just like the rest of us, living, breathing and casually going about their day before they were kidnapped and injected with a lethal dose of a scientifically created virus before forcefully being transformed into an angry, raging and venomous monster, hell-bent on chewing your face off, just like how a vegan chews on a piece of grass, or how Ray J chewed on Kim Kardashian’s ass.

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Regular zombies are scary, really scary actually. Just imagine a raging menstruating feminist on her cycle while wearing a pink pussy hat! That’s enough to make any man celibate and scared shitless for life quite frankly, so let that be a lesson to women who enter into the dark depths of modern-day feminism.

But when it comes to the evilest of evils, no demonic entity is quite as villainous and diabolical as… a Nazi Zombie. A hefty close second is a 350 foot robotic Hillary Clinton, of course, but you get the idea.

An impending zombie attack is no laughing matter, especially when we are supposedly just a Kim Jong-un fat thumb push away from a nuclear holocaust. With impending annihilation potentially on the horizon (oh joy!), it’s important to be ready and equipped in the event of a monstrous biological Nazi Zombie epidemic takes hold, and they appear wanting to murder and kill western civilization as we know it.

movie theater popcorn GIF by absurdnoise


It’s just as scary as the thought of Obama acquiring secret and illegal warrants from the FBI to spy on the American public while wiretapping and interfering with national presidential elections. Oh, wait that already happened!

[Disclaimer] – We must trust in our fairly and totally unbiased elected Democratic politicians at all times. Oprah Winfrey 2020!

Not gonna happen! But back to the real danger that’s threatening us mere mortals… prejudiced Nazi Zombies.

Nazi Zombies are just like regular Zombies, just more racist and are probably fans of Donald Trump, well… if your local Buzzfeed propaganda is anything to go by anyway.

Confused Donald Trump GIF


Nazi Zombies have a fondness for drinking milk, due to its alleged white supremacy association, but are allergic to anything remotely Kosher. Speaking of which, did you know that it’s actually been known that silicone (you know, the same kind of alien mineral that Kris Jenner injects around her vagina) is kryptonite to the Führer’s undead army.

And there’s us thinking that Ebola was the only worthwhile fascist deterrent out there!

So the next time you come across a drooling Nazi Zombie on a street corner, punch them hard in the face, while hysterically screaming “RACIST!” at the top of your lungs, while claiming offence / victimhood, and blaming the government  every time you have coughed and sneezed on a xenophobic social structure that supposedly benefits white people.

pop tv feminism GIF by Schitt's Creek


Just remember, if you believe anything written in the hallowed archives of VICE, Buzzfeed or LAD Bible, then white supremacists and Nazi Zombies have killed more people in the USA in 2017 than Muslims, Antifa and even kneeling NFL Players… combined! Now, where did you pack your Soy Milk rations? The Nazi Zombies are coming for ya’!


Story by Michael Lee

Practice your Zombie elimination skills with Call of Duty WWII on PS4!

Practice your Zombie elimination skills with Call of Duty WWII on Xbox One!

Featured Photo Credit: WallpaperUP

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