Poison and Russian spies, all you need now is a glass of Martini (shaken, not stirred) and this could be the plot for the very latest James Bond film. Obviously starring the late great Roger Moore, as we all know, he was the most charming chauvinist Secret Service agent ever. Sorry Daniel Craig, not even close.
Though not withstanding all the key ingredients for an epic 007 trailer, this incident most certainly is not from Russia with Love.
We don’t think that a military grade nerve agent that poisoned a former Russian spy on UK soil is the best gesture of love and international relations quite frankly.
You see, unless you have been living in Moscow and have been force-fed your daily dose of Russian state propaganda, then you would know that a retired Russian native military intelligence officer and former spy was poisoned in highly suspicious circumstances.
Sergei Skripal and his daughter were found slumped on a bench in Salisbury city centre on Sunday 4th March. They remain in a critical but stable condition in hospital. An odd looking woman wearing a black surgical mask was reportedly said to be seen in Salisbury, but sources could neither confirm or deny the whereabouts of Hillary Clinton at the time.
In a statement in the Commons, Prime Minister Theresa May said that it was ‘highly likely’ that Russia was responsible for the attack.
She said: “It is now clear that Mr. Skripal and his daughter were poisoned with a military grade nerve agent developed by Russia.”
“Our knowledge that Russia has previously produced this agent and would still be capable of doing so, Russia’s record of conducting state-sponsored assassinations and our assessment that Russia views some defectors as legitimate targets for assassinations, the Government has concluded that it is highly likely that Russia was responsible for the act against Sergei and Yulia Skripal.”
Mrs May added: “This was not just a crime against the Skripals, it was an indiscriminate and reckless act against the United Kingdom, putting the lives of innocent civilians at risk.”
The incident was either “a direct act by the Russian state against our country’, or Russia ‘lost control’ of the powerful nerve agent it had produced, and it fell into the wrong hands,” Mrs May said.
In the event of no credible response from Russia, the Government will consider the attack as an “unlawful use of force by the Russian state against the United Kingdom.”
Despite the constant conspiracies and accusations of some kind of collusion with Russia, the White House released a statement regarding the nerve agent attack against the former Russian spy, stating: “The use of a highly lethal nerve agent against U.K. citizens on U.K. soil is an outrage. The attack was reckless, indiscriminate, and irresponsible” while offering its full support to “closest ally” the UK.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been given until the end of Tuesday the 13th of March to respond to the accusations. Which gives us a couple of hours (depending on when you actually read this) to at least build a nuclear bunker and purchase some wooly blankets down at your local superstore.
You see, we urge people to be cautious in the event of a potential nuclear holocaust, perhaps even by stocking up on some Russian Vodka, in the event that it would happen. Since one thing the world knows is that Vladimir Putin doesn’t take too kindly to threats or direct accusations.
Theresa May recently stated that she would like a woman to fill 007’s shoes. Yet despite her claims of “digging her heels in” in the face of adversity, we can’t see her leopard print heels going toe to toe against the Kremlin, hell… she can’t even stand up to the unelected bureaucrats of the European Union.
While the world goes absolutely “pussy galore” over supposed Trump and Putin cahoots (which has already been disproven within regards to the 2016 US election), as well as the supposed “evil” of Russian bots destroying social democrats over Twitter, and with the potentiality of mass genocide in the event of a nuclear conflict, many people just want to make like a “Babushka” and hide away from all this fake news!
Story by Michael Lee
Featured Photo Credit: Russia Direct