Now for some niche beauty news to ruin your breakfast, lunch and dinner combined! Here comes something out of the celebrity world to make your stomach turn, in a bizarre turn of events, the latest beauty treatments coming right at your face is the penis facial, which is now fast becoming the “must have” thing to get all over your mug in fortified efforts to look younger.
Now we’re not talking about the facials that most of these celebrities are probably used to, given the whole casting couch culture thing. What we’re actually referring to is the new beauty treatment used by Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock, Emma Stone and singer Katy Perry, called the “Penis Facial” which involves the stem cells from the discarded foreskin of Korean boys. Ah, that’s much better!
No, this is not a joke, but let’s put our judgement aside for one moment and let’s just dig deeper into the science of it all, shall we?
So, what is this latest beauty trend that some would say is way over the top? Well, Cate Blanchett was recently interviewed by Vogue Australia whilst in Sydney to promote Giorgio Armani’s latest fragrance, ‘Si Passione‘, which Blanchett is the face of, and during said interview, she revealed that she and Sandra Bullock recently got “penis facials” at Georgia Louise Atelier in New York.
Cate said, “Sandy [Bullock] and I saw this facialist in New York, Georgia Louise, and she gives what we call the ‘penis facial’ and it’s something — I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just ’cause it smells a bit like sperm — there’s some enzyme in it, so Sandy refers to it as the ‘penis facial,”
Plenty of beauty magazines picked up on the news before the quote mysteriously disappeared from Vogue Australia’s print issue, but the quote could still be seen online, until it was entirely removed as if it never happened. Cate Blanchett’s publicist refused to comment on the story when THR asked for one, however, aesthetician Georgia Louise was happy to reveal all about the $650 dollar treatment which is said to give you a rejuvenated and youthful look in your face.
The treatment is also known as the EGF treatment, which stands for Epidermal Growth Factor. Louise said, “The Hollywood EGF Facial started last year when Sandra Bullock was filming in NYC and came to see me for a deep cleansing and long-lasting facial glow.”
“I wanted to give her something that would transform her skin without the need to undergo lasers, so I loaded up her bespoke facial with something that would give her long-lasting results. Within weeks her makeup artist, Whitney, and castmates wanted to know what was the cause of her amazing, long-lasting glowing skin…. And from that moment onward the Hollywood EGF Facial was born!”
This surely explains the science part, and one just wonders why’s it’s the foreskin of Korean boys? Hmmm… Maybe somebody will come by and explain it all to us in the comments section sometime soon.
Georgia Louise explained further, “The foreskin is collected during circumcision and the stem cells are then harvested and extracted through a centrifuge. I am always very mindful to explain radical serums and potions that I carry in my back bar, so I always explain that EGF is derived from newborn baby foreskin, but cells were taken and from that, new cells are cloned from a laboratory.”
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My ultra exclusive facial to the stars has been revealed by Cate blanchett and Sandra Bullock and is now available at my Atelier! NO BABIES WERE USED- ONLY CLONE CELL TAKEN YEARS AGO!!!!!!! The facial includes a cleanse, followed by an intensive TCA peel, micro-needling machine and an electrifying mask to calm the skin, followed by my ‘secret box’ of EGF serum (Epidermal Growth Factor). EGF is clones cells taken from progenitor cells (original cells) of the human fibroblast donated from newborn baby foreskin. WE ARE NOU USING original stem cells only clones!!! The Stem cells were giving to a stem cell bank in Korea!!!! Which had the worlds largest bank of steamcells.. which helps to generate collagen and elastin. FDA approved stem cells and peptides are penetrated deep into the skin using a special electric micro-needling wand. This process allows the active ingredients to be transported deep in the skin by creating a temporary micro-channel. email@example.com
Georgia Louise surely knows what she’s talking about, and in case you missed it, here’s more science!
“EGF is clone cells taken from progenitor cells (original cells) of the human fibroblast donated from newborn baby foreskin.”
“We are not using original stem cells, only clone!! The stem cells were [given] to a stem cell bank in Korea!!!! Which had the world’s largest bank of [stem cells] which helps to generate collagen and elastin. FDA approved stem cells and peptides are penetrated deep into the skin using a special electric micro-needling wand. This process allows the active ingredients to be transported deep in the skin by creating a temporary micro-channel.’
Alongside the Instagram post in the comments section, high profile celebrities praised the service and treatment, indicating that Korean foreskin concoction from babies is really the hottest new beauty trend for facial rejuvenation, hands down. A-listers such as Emma Stone, Katy Perry, Gucci Westman and model Linda Evangelista all swearing by this Penis Facial.
Additionally, supermodel and entrepreneur Karlie Kloss also got herself a penis facial before going on The Today Show, where she looked exquisite. Georgia Louise stated on Instagram, “So excited and so impressed with @karliekloss for going on the @todayshow today, fresh after a facial with me.”
So, there you have it! If you want to look young, make sure you book yourself in with Georgia Louise, the New York City facialist, to get your face all enzyme’d up with the foreskin of Korean boys, because nothing else will do apparently.
We’ve been happy to spread the word all in the name of beauty standards in the undying quest to grab the fountain of youth by any means necessary, no matter how bizarre it really becomes… Erm, tell us in the comments section down below if this is the sort of beauty treatment that you ladies might sign up for…
Story by The Narrator
Featured Photo Credit: Elemis